so hairy."

* * *

_Lady_ (_to applicant for situation as cook_): "Have you been accustomed
to have a kitchen-maid under you?"

_Cook:_ "In these days we never speak of having people 'under us.' But I
have had colleagues."

* * *

_Father:_ "Look here, Billy, Mr. Smith called at the office this morning
about your fight with his boy yesterday."

_Son:_ "Did he? I hope you got on as well as I did."

* * *

_Artist_ (_condescendingly_): "I did this last summer. It really isn't
much good."

_Candid Friend:_ "No, it certainly isn't. But who told you?"

* * *

BLUE BLOOD

_Mrs. Profiteer:_ "Is this a pedigree dog?"

_Dealer:_ "Pedigree? I should just think 'e is, Mum. Why, if the animal
could only talk 'e wouldn't speak to either of us."

* * *

_Small Bridesmaid_ (_loudly, in middle of ceremony_): "Mummie, are we
all getting married?"

* * *

_Small Girl:_ "To-day's my mummy's wedding-day."

_Smaller Girl_ (_with air of superiority_): "_My_ mummy was married
_years_ ago."

* * *

"Wot's a minimum wage, Albert?"

"Wot yer gets for goin' to yer work. If yer wants ter make a bit more
yer does a bit o' work for it."

* * *

_Office Boy_ (_anxious to go to football match_): "May I have the
afternoon off, Sir? My grand----"

_Employer:_ "Oh, yes, I've heard that before. Your grandmother died last
week."

_Office Boy:_ "Yes, Sir; but--my grandfather's getting married again
this afternoon."

* * *

_Minister's Wife:_ "My husband was asking only this morning why you
weren't in the habit of attending church."

_Latest Inhabitant:_ "Well, you see, it does so cut into one's
Sundays."

* * *

"Two mistakes here, waiter--one in your favor, one in mine."

"In _your_ favor, Sir? Where?"

* * *

_Mistress:_ "Oh, cook, be sure and put plenty of nuts in the cake."

_Cook:_ "You don't catch me crackin' no more nuts to-day. I've very near
broke me jaw already."

* * *

_Gushing Lady:_ "Yes, she's married to a lawyer, and a go