_He:_ "I never knew until to-day that the Rev. Dr. Preachly married an
actress."

_She:_ "Oh, yes! It is she who rehearses him in those beautiful
extempore sermons he preaches."

* * *

DURING THE QUARREL

_He:_ "But if you will allow me to----"

_She:_ "Oh! I know what you are going to say, but you're quite mistaken
and I can prove it."

* * *

CONDITIONAL

_Eloping Bride:_ "Oh, Jack! I can't help wondering what father will say
when he gets our letter."

_Bridegroom:_ "It can't make any difference to our happiness,
darling--so long as he doesn't _do_ it when we get back."

* * *

JUST IGNORANCE

_He_ (_dejectedly_): "I'm sure I don't see why our parents won't give
their consent. I consider their conduct is little short of cruel."

_She:_ "Oh, Jack! How can you expect old fogies like they are to know
anything about _love_?"

* * *

ALL IN ONE BREATH

_Wife:_ "I'm afraid you'll think me rather extravagant, dear, but I
spent ten dollars to-day on a boat, and a train, and a fire-engine, and
a box of soldiers, and some nine pins for Freddie's birthday. By the
way, what are _you_ going to buy him?"

* * *

A YOUNG PHILOSOPHER

"Mamma!"

"What is it, dear?"

"It seems to me that a 'silly question' is something that you don't know
the answer to."

* * *

FEMININITY

_Julia:_ "Fanny married a very wealthy man, you know. She tells me she
has absolutely nothing to wish for."

_Gertrude:_ "Oh, Julia! What a dreadful state to be in."

* * *

GETTING EVEN

_Mrs. Lynks:_ "Jack, I have made up my mind to fine you ten cents every
time you swear."

_Mr. Lynks:_ "That's a bargain, if you'll give me ten cents every time
you envy me for being able to."

* * *

A SOOTHING EFFECT

"Do you miss your husband as much as when he first went away?"

"No, I am becoming reconciled. You see he sent me a power of attorney."

* * *

IN THAT CASE

_She:_ "When one is really thirsty, there is nothing so good as pure,
cold water."

_He:_ "I guess I have never been really thirsty."

* * *

A QUALIFIED STATEM