" said the operator, "I'd think twice before I
married the girl who kept me waiting for an answer so long."

"Na, Na?" said the Scot. "The girl for me is the girl who waits for the
night rates."

* * *

TOO ENTHUSIASTIC

_Wifey:_ "Henry, do you think me an angel?"

_Hubby:_ "Why, certainly, my dear. I'm very enthusiastic. I think all
women are angels!"

"You needn't be so enthusiastic as all that!"

* * *

BAD BOTH WAYS

_Dobb:_ "What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"

_Botham:_ "My wife put it there to remind me to post her letter."

"And did you post it?"

"No; she forgot to give it to me!"

* * *

HIS LITTLE MISTAKE

A certain country vicar who used to distribute books to his parishioners
as reading material, one day, deciding to surprise them, gave them each
a Bible neatly wrapped up in brown paper. A few days later he called
round on each of his flock, and the first place he called at was the
village butcher's.

"Well, Mr. Simson," he said, "how did you like that little book I gave
you the other day?"

Simson was rather taken aback at the query, for, truth to tell, the
little book still remained in its brown paper wrapping somewhere under
the counter.

"Splendid!" lied Simson bravely, "but," he added, in a burst of
confidence, "it ended like they all end."

"Oh!" exclaimed the vicar, "in what way?"

And Simson, thinking he was on safe ground, replied, "Why, they lived
happy ever after."

* * *

"Your wife looks stunning to-night. Her gown is a poem."

"What do you mean, poem?" replied the struggling author. "That gown is
two poems and a short story."

* * *

TOUGH ON THE SENATOR

The Senator was back home, looking after his political fences, and asked
the minister about some of his old acquaintances.

"How is old Mr. Jones?" he inquired. "Will I be likely to see him
to-day?"

"You'll never see Mr. Jones again," said the minister. "He has gone to
heaven."

* * *

REDEEMING TRAIT

"I know I'm old, but I'm crazy about you," stated Mr. Moneybags. "When I
go I'll leave all my fortune to you if you'll have me."

"Have you any bad habits?" asked Miss Goldielocks, thoughtfully.

"Only that I walk in my sleep, if you could cal