"She is one of the most remarkable women I ever met."

"In what way?"

"She can keep silence in four different languages."

* * *

THE DIFFERENCE

_She:_ "I'm so glad we're engaged."

_He:_ "But you knew all the time that I loved you, didn't you?"

_She:_ "Yes, dear, I knew it, but you didn't."

* * *

THE ROAD TO----, ETC.

"Well, what are you sneering about? You don't seem to have much faith in
my good resolutions."

"I was just wondering if you had taken the paving contract for the next
world."

* * *

CLASSIFIED

_Mrs. Bargain:_ "Oh, Ethel! I have just talked Edward into giving me the
money for a new hat."

_Mr. Bargain:_ "Which I shall enter in my accounts as 'Hush Money.'"

* * *

A SOLUTION

_The Mistress:_ "Oh, Jane, if I had known who sent those flowers I would
have returned them unopened."

_The Maid:_ "Shure, Miss, couldn't ye take a few out, and sind the rist
back unopened?"

* * *

ENCOURAGING

_He:_ "My train goes in fifteen minutes. Can you not give me one ray of
hope before I leave you forever?"

_She:_ "Er--that clock is half an hour fast."

* * *

AN ALIAS

_Miss Hen:_ "I demand an explanation! You told me that your name was
plain 'Mr. Rooster,' and that poet just now addressed you as
'Chanticleer'!"

* * *

_Lady_ (_to prospective daily housemaid_): "The hours will be from nine
to six-thirty, with an hour and a half off for dinner."

_D. H.:_ "For _luncheon_, I suppose you mean. And I should have to leave
at six, as I always dine at my club and have to dress first."

* * *

CHANGING PLACES

"They say that she was his stenographer before marriage."

"She has evidently reversed the order of things."

"How so?"

"_She_ does the dictating now."

* * *

ECONOMY

_Young Husband:_ "I see that sugar has gone down two points."

_Young Wife:_ "Has it? I'll get a couple of pounds to-day, then."

* * *

_Best Man_ (_seeing couple off on honeymoon_): "Here you are--just a few
magazines to help pass away the time."

* *