ran into the boss.

"Hallo!" said the boss, pleasantly, "were you looking for me?"

"Ay," answered Angus, "I wis looking for ye, but I didna' want tae see
ye."

* * *

THE CONSUMER INFLAMED

"Ever get any nice butter?" queried old Grumpy.

"Supply in every day," replied his provision merchant suavely.

"Then why in thunder don't you sell it?" asked Grumpy.

* * *

HOW HE DID IT

_First Theatrical Manager:_ "Do you have any trouble with the girl who
is playing the flapper in your new show?"

_Second Theatrical Manager:_ "No; if she attempts to be skittish I just
threaten to publish the photographs of her two sons who are lieutenants
in the army."

* * *

REALITY

A man, who is the father of a year-old youngster, met his pastor on
Sunday afternoon.

"Why weren't you at church this morning?" was the first question of the
spiritual adviser.

"I couldn't come," was the answer. "I had to stop at home and mind the
baby; our nurse is ill."

"That's no excuse," said the pastor.

"It isn't? Well, next Sunday I'll bring him to church with me and see
how you like it."

* * *

PURE CARELESSNESS

It was visiting day at the prison and the uplifters were on deck.

"My good man," said one kindly lady, "I hope that since you have come
here you have had time for meditation and have decided to correct your
faults."

"I have that, mum," replied the prisoner in heartfelt tones. "Believe
me, the next job I pull, this baby wears gloves."

* * *

A LEVEL-HEADED CAR

_Irate Motorist:_ "Say, this darned car won't climb a hill! You said it
was a fine machine!"

_Dealer:_ "I said: 'On the level it's a good car.'"

* * *

SUSPICIOUS

It was while on manoeuvres in rural England, and a soldier was being
tried for the shooting of a chicken on prohibited ground.

"Look here, my man," said the commanding officer to the farmer who
brought the accusation, "are you quite certain that this is the man who
shot your bird? Will you swear to him?"

"No, I won't do that," replied the farmer, "but I will say he's the man
I suspect o' doing it."

"That's not enough to convict a man," retorted the C. O., considerably
nettled. "What raised your suspicions?"

"Well," replied the sturd