you'd say how much," the lady of the house
replied.

"Yas, ma'am! But, ma'am, Ah'd rather hab de seventy-five cents yo 'would
gimme dan de fifty cents Ah'd charge yo'."

* * *

READY TO JOIN

_Minister:_ Would you care to join us in the new missionary movement?

_Miss Ala Mode:_ I'm crazy to try it. Is it anything like the fox trot?

* * *

HELPFUL PA!

_He:_ Do you think your father would be willing to help me in the
future?

_She:_ Well, I heard him say he felt like kicking you into the middle of
next week.

* * *

"Daughter," said the old man, sternly, "I positively forbid you marrying
this young scapegrace! He is an inveterate poker player!"

"But, papa," tearfully protested Alicia Hortense, "poker playing is not
such an awful habit. Why, at your own club----"

"That's where I got my information, daughter. I'll have no daughter of
mine bringing home a man that I can't beat with a flush, a full house,
and fours."

* * *

"I think, Lucille, I'll take one of the children to the park with me.
Which one do you think would go best with this dress?"

* * *

HE KNEW

Mr. and Mrs. Smith had been invited to a friend's for tea, and the time
had arrived for preparing for the visit. "Come along, dearie," said Mr.
Smith to her three-year-old son, "and have your face washed."

"Don't want to be washed," came the reply.

"But," said mother, "you don't want to be a dirty boy, do you? I want my
little boy to have a nice, clean face for the ladies to kiss."

Upon this persuasion he gave way, and was washed. A few minutes later he
stood watching his father washing. "Ha, ha, daddy!" he cried, "I know
why you're washing!"

* * *

THEY WILT

"Which weeds are the easiest to kill?" asked young Flickers of Farmer
Sassfras, as he watched that good man at his work.

"Widow's weeds," replied the farmer. "You have only to say 'Wilt thou?'
and they wilt."

* * *

NOT STRONG ENOUGH

Muriel, aged four, was taken by her governess to have tea with an aunt.
Presently she began to eat a piece of very rich cake.

"Oh, I just love this chocolate cake!" she exclaimed. "It's awfully
nice."

"Muriel, dear," corrected her governess, "it is wro