l that a bad habit."

"You dear old thing. Of course I'll marry you. And we'll have our
honeymoon on the top floor of some tall hotel, won't we?"

* * *

OFF

There was a distinct air of chastened resignation about him, as he
penned the following note:

"Dear Miss Brown,--I return herewith your kind note in which you accept
my offer of marriage. I would draw your attention to the fact that it
begins 'Dear George.' I do not know who George is, but my name, as you
will remember, is Thomas."

* * *

NOT A FATHER

A Protestant Episcopal clergyman was walking down a city street wearing
the garb of his profession. He was seen by two Irish boys.

"Good morning, Father," said one of the boys.

"Hush, he ain't no father," said the other, "he's got a wife and two
kids."

* * *

WEDDING DECLARED OFF

_John Willie_ (_pleadingly_): "Why can't we be married right away,
Elsie?"

_Elsie_ (_coyly_): "Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just now."

_John Willie_ (_earnestly_): "But, my darling, he has had you such a
very long time."

_Elsie_ (_freezingly_): "Sir!"

* * *

PERHAPS!

"You are a little goose!" remarked a young M.D. playfully to the girl he
was engaged to marry.

"Of course I am," was the laughing response; "haven't I got a quack?"

* * *

A Northern man in an optician's shop in Nashville overheard
an amusing conversation between the proprietor of the establishment and
an aged darkey who was just leaving the place with a pair of new
spectacles. As the old fellow neared the door his eye lighted upon an
extraordinary-looking instrument conspicuously placed upon a counter.
The venerable negro paused for several moments to gaze in open-mouthed
wonder at this thing, the like of which he had never seen before. After
a long struggle with his curiosity he was vanquished. Turning to the
optician, he asked: "What is it, boss?" "That is an opthalmometer,"
replied the optician in his gravest manner. "Sho," muttered the old man
to himself, as he backed out of the door, his eyes still fastened upon
the curious-looking thing on the counter. "Sho, dat's what I was afeared
it was!"

* * *

In many of the rural districts of the United States where money does not
circulat