t it is. Enough for an
acre of ground would go in one of my waistcoat pockets." "I don't doubt
it, young gentleman," said the veteran of the soil. "What is more,
you'll be able to put the crop into the other waistcoat pocket."

* * *

Weary Willie slouched into the pawnshop. "How much will you give me for
this overcoat?" he asked, producing a faded but neatly mended garment.
Isaac looked at it critically. "Four dollars," he said.

"Why," cried Weary Willie, "that coat's worth ten dollars if it's worth
a penny.'"

"I wouldn't give you ten dollars for two like that," sniffed Isaac.
"Four dollars or nothing."

"Are you sure that's all it's worth?" asked Weary Willie.

"Four dollars," repeated Isaac.

"Well, here's yer four dollars," said Weary Willie. "This overcoat was
hangin' outside yer shop, and I was wonderin' how much it was really
worth."

* * *

NOT IN THE BUSINESS

"I'm not quite sure about your washing-machine. Will you demonstrate it
again?"

"No, madam. We only do one week's washing."

* * *

HER VIEWS

_Mrs. de Vere:_ "I suppose now that you have been abroad, you have your
own views of foreign life!"

* * *

Mrs. Profiteer: "No, we ain't got no views. We didn't take no camera;
it's so common."

* * *

A GOOD MATCH

_Proprietor:_ "What made that customer walk out? Did you offend him?"

_Assistant:_ "I don't know. He said he wanted a hat to suit his head and
I showed him a soft hat."

* * *

LIFE'S BIGGEST PROBLEM

_Old Job:_ "The best way to get the most out of life is to fall in love
with a great problem or a beautiful woman!"

_Old Steve:_ "Why not choose the latter and get both?"

* * *

_He_ (_just introduced_): What a very homely person that gentleman near
the piano is, Mrs. Black!

_She:_ Isn't he? That is Mr. Black.

_He:_ How true it is, Mrs. Black, that the homely men always get the
prettiest wives!

* * *

A customer entered the small-town barber shop. "How soon can you cut my
hair?" he asked of the proprietor, who was seated in an easy chair,
perusing the pages of a novel.

"Bill," said the barber, addressing his errand boy, "run over and tell