_Customer to Palmist:_ "Five dollars fee? Er--would you have any
objection to waiting until I get some of the money you say is coming to
me?"

* * *

_Betty:_ "Mummy, does God send us our food?"

_Mother:_ "Yes, dear; of course He does."

_Betty:_ "But what a price!"

* * *

DURING VACATION

_The Summer Girl:_ "It pains me to be compelled to say so, but I really
cannot become engaged to you."

_The Summer Man:_ "Well--er--could you manage to be a sister to me for a
couple of weeks?"

* * *

NOT UNIQUE

_He:_ "Crowded, were you? I thought you went early to avoid the rush."

_She:_ "So I did; but about five thousand other people did the same
thing."

* * *

A NOBLE AIM

_She:_ "Have you heard anything about the woman's Reform Club?"

"Yes, its object seems to be to reform everything except the Club and
everybody except the members."

* * *

ONCE TOO OFTEN

"Yes, dear, I'm going out to-night. I've been asked to take supper with
an old comrade in arms."

"By the way, darling, how many men did your regiment muster?"

* * *

"Phwat's the matter wid yez, Regan? Yez look hurted."

"Faith! Lasht noight Oi tould Casey phwat Oi thought av him, an' ut
appears he thought worse av me."

* * *

CAUSE AND EFFECT

"What a lot of suffering these ambulance surgeons must witness."

"Yes, indeed! Almost every time they go out they run over some one."

* * *

"He's a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer says I may
have him for a song. Would you advise me to buy him?"

"That depends upon your eye for a horse and his ear for music."

* * *

SYMPATHY

_Freddie_ (_aged six_): "Mother, you know that lovely purse you gave me
for my birfday?"

_His Mother:_ "Yes, dear! What of it?"

_Freddie:_ "It makes me feel orful to think of it just lyin' in the
drawer 'ithout a cent in its stummick."

* * *

SLIGHTED

"I sincerely regret our misunderstanding, Florence, and am quite ready
to be friends again."

"_Misunderstanding_, indeed! If you had any _feeling_ you'd call it a
quarrel."