lf in such
weather."

* * *

_Lady_ (_who has purchased a ready-made dress_): "Tiresome this dress
is. The fasteners come undone as quick as you do them up."

_Cook_ (_acting as lady's-maid_): "Yes'm, they do. That's why I wouldn't
have it myself when I tried it on at the shop the other day."

* * *

HIS REPUTATION

_Waitress:_ "He ain't no good, Lil--he's one of these fellers wot
chooses the price first an' then runs his fingers along the bill o' fare
to see wot he gets for it."

* * *

NOT UP-TO-DATE

_Penelope:_ "What made George and Alice break their engagement?"

_Clarissa:_ "He complained that she was too 'Effeminate' for the present
day."

* * *

"Some wise person once said that silence was golden, did he not?"

"I believe so. Why?"

"I was just thinking how extravagant some women are."

* * *

NOT RESTRICTED

"That gentleman who is being introduced to Miss Binks is a free
thinker."

"Which is he, a bachelor or a widower?"

* * *

_John:_ "Yew wait here, Mirandy, while I buy your ticket."

_Mirandy:_ "Daon't yew dew it, John; yew can't say fer _sure_ that the
train'll show up--I don't never believe in payin' fer a thing 'til I git
it."

* * *

_The Wife:_ "Oh, you needn't sneer! I mean every word I say."

"I'm not sneering, my dear. I'm just thinking what a lot you must mean."

* * *

_The Escort:_ Who's that fellow who seems to know you?

_The Lady:_ Only a second cousin once removed.

_The Escort:_ Hm! Well, he looks as if he wanted removing again.

* * *

_Voice_ (_far off_): Cuc-koo! Cuc-koo! Cuc-koo!

_Satiated Camper:_ All right, all right! Who's arguing about it?

* * *

A GREAT ATHLETE

Micky Bryan and Patsy Kelly had been schoolmates together, but they had
drifted apart in after life. They met one day, and the conversation
turned on athletics.

"Did ye ivir meet my bruther Dennis?" asked Pat. "He has just won a gold
medal in a foot race."

"Bedad," replied Mike. "Sure, an' thot's foine. But did I ivir tell ye
about my uncle at Ballycluna?"

"I don't remember," re