cked up a large lump and heaving it carelessly into the
air, struck the other a resounding blow on the head.

As soon as the victim had recovered from his momentary daze he walked
over to the edge of the bin and, peering down at his mate, said:

"Nigger, how come you don't watch where you throws dat coal? You done
hit me smack on de haid."

The other one looked surprised.

"Did I hit you?"

"You sho' did," came the answer. "And I jes' wants to tell you, I've
been promising the debil a man a long time, and you certainly does
resemble my promise."

* * *

"And would you love me as much if father lost all his money?"

"Has he?"

"Why, no."

"Of course I would, darling."

* * *

"Why do you object to children in your apartment house?"

"As a matter of kindness. People who are raising families can't be
expected to pay the rentals I require."

* * *

CAUSTIC

A good story is told of a pawky old Scot, who like many others, finds
himself rather short of cash just now. His account was L60 over drawn,
and the banker rang him up on the telephone to tell him about it, and to
suggest that he had better bring it down a bit or clear it altogether.

"Oh, aye," replied the pawky one. "I'm L60 short am I? Will ye just look
up an' tell me hoo my account stood in June?"

"Oh," the banker said, "you were all right then; you had L250 to your
credit."

"Aye, an' did I ring you up in June?" was the caustic rejoinder.

* * *

The newly-elected president of a banking institution was being
introduced to the employees. He singled out one of the men in the
cashier's cage, questioning him in detail about his work, etc. "I have
been here forty years," said the cashier's assistant, with conscious
pride, "and in all that time I only made one slight mistake."

"Good," replied the president. "Let me congratulate you. But hereafter
be more careful."

* * *

_First Sailor_ (_searching vainly for his ship after a few hours'
leave_): "But she was 'ere when we went ashore, wasn't she?"

_Second Sailor:_ "It's them blokes at Washington. They've started
scrappin' the fleet, an' begun on us."

* * *

NOT WORTH MUCH

The tourist from the East had stopped to change tires in a desolate
region