* * *

MAKING SURE

"Papa, the Earl wants me to send him a photograph to show to his
parents."

"I thought he had dozens of your photos."

"Yes, but he wants a photo of your certified check."

* * *

MORE DESPERATE STILL

_She:_ "Oh! there's no use of my giving you any hope, because I cannot
believe in love in a cottage."

_He:_ "But I've known cases of love in a four-room flat, with steam-heat
and all improvements."

* * *

SYMPATHY

_The Tabby-Cat:_ "I am just heart-broken! I had six of the loveliest
kittens, and they went and gave one away!"

_The Parrot:_ "Wasn't it too bad of them--to go and break the set?"

* * *

POPULAR OPINION

_First Burglar:_ "Say, Bill, de doctor what fixed de leg I broke doin'
dat second-story job didn't do a t'ing but soak me fifty plunks!"

_Second Burglar:_ "Oh, say, wasn't that robbery?"

* * *

MORE OPPORTUNITY

_The Wife:_ "Really, my dear, you are awfully extravagant. Our neighbor,
Mr. Flint, is just twice as self-denying as you are."

_The Husband:_ "But he has just twice as much money to be self-denying
with."

* * *

"Jacky, dear, your hands are frightfully dirty."

"Not 'frightfully,' mummy. A lot of that's shading."

* * *

_The Ant:_ "Well, we've struck!"

_The Gnat:_ "What for?"

_The Ant:_ "Longer hours."

* * *

_Effie:_ "George and I have been down-stairs in the dining-room, Mr.
Mitcham. We've been playing Husband and Wife!"

_Mr. Mitcham:_ "How did you do that, my dear?"

_Effie:_ "Why, Georgy sat at one end of the table, and I sat at the
other; and Georgy said, 'This food isn't fit to eat!' and I said, 'It's
all you'll get!' and Georgy said, 'Damn!' and I got up and left the
room!"

* * *

NOT WHAT SHE MEANT

_She:_ "I am sorry to hear that they have separated. Is there no chance
of their becoming reconciled?"

_He:_ "Oh, they seem to be _quite_ reconciled."

* * *

_He:_ "By the bye, talking of old times, do you remember that occasion
when I made such an awful ass of myself?"

_She:_ "Which?"

* * *

_Jo