ey to
speak to him; that he could not talk and give his attention to his
machine, and that they must keep silent. Up they went, and the airman
quite enjoyed himself. He looped the loop and practiced all sorts of
stunts to his own satisfaction with no interruption from his passengers
until he felt a touch on his arm. "What is it?" he said impatiently.
"I'm so sorry to trouble you," said a voice behind, "and I know I
oughtn't to speak. I do apologize sincerely, but I can't help it. I
thought perhaps you ought to know Annie's gone."

* * *

_Chloe:_ I sho' mighter knowed I gwine have bad luck if I do dat washin'
on Friday.

_Daphne:_ What bad luck done come to you?

_Chloe:_ I sen' home dat pink silk petticoat wid de filly aidge what I
was gwine keep out to wear to chu'ch on Sunday.

* * *

The professor was deeply absorbed in some scientific subject when the
nurse announced the arrival of a boy. "What--who?" stammered the
professor absently. "Why interrupt me--isn't my wife at home?"

* * *

SARCASM

Everything that could be done to make the great unemployed meeting a
success had been accomplished. A large hall, and a good speaker had been
engaged.

When the latter arrived he seemed in a crabby frame of mind. Looking
round, he beckoned the chairman.

"I should like to have a glass of water on my table, if you please," he
said.

"To drink?" was the chairman's idiotic question.

"Oh, no," was the sarcastic retort, "when I've been speaking
half-an-hour I do a high dive."

* * *

NONE AT ALL

Sandy had gone to the station to see his cousin off.

"Mac," he said, "ye micht like to leave me a bob or twa tae drink ye a
safe journey."

"Mon, I canna," was the reply. "A' my spare cash I gie tae my auld
mither."

"That's strange! Your mither said you niver gave her anything!"

"Well, if I dinna gie my auld mither anything, what sort of chance d'ye
think you've got?"

* * *

ART AND NATURE

_Husband:_ "What was that you were playing, my dear?"

_Wife:_ "Did you like it?"

"It was lovely--the melody divine, the harmony exquisite!"

"It is the very thing I played last evening, and you said it was
horrid."

"Well, the steak was burnt last evening."

* * *

MIS