staying out in the boat all this time
with a comparative stranger. A woman of thirty is old enough to know
better."

_He:_ "Aren't you afraid she is _too old_ to know better?"

* * *

"I shall never find anyone else like you. You see, you're so different
from other girls."

"Oh, but you'll find lots of other girls different from other girls."

* * *

RETROACTIVE

"You know you should love your neighbor as yourself."

"But the trouble is, when I try to do that, I always end by hating
myself."

* * *

_Pupil:_ "What I want to know is, am I a bass or a baritone?"

_Teacher:_ "No--you're not."

* * *

APOLOGIZING

"Oh! Are you really a mind-reader?"

"Yes! I am."

"Then I hope you aren't offended. I didn't mean what I thought about
you."

* * *

DENIED THE PRIVILEGE

_The Child:_ "Mother! Did you buy a ticket for me?"

_The Mother:_ "No, dear! They don't charge for little boys."

_The Child:_ "Is that 'cos we're too little to reach the straps?"

* * *

A GOOD PLAN

_She:_ "The Burrowes are having their wooden wedding next week. What can
we give them?"

"We might send them a receipt for some of the money he owes me."

* * *

ENFRANCHISEMENT OF WOMAN

_First Voter:_ "So Mr. Jones has been elected. You voted for him, of
course?"

_Second Voter:_ "No, I voted for the other man. You see, Mr. Jones
supported Woman's Suffrage, which I abhor."

* * *

FAMILIARITY, ETC.

"I'm so glad to see you. And how did you enjoy your visit to the South?"

"Oh, not very much! There wasn't a soul where I was staying except
intimate friends."

* * *

REASSURING

_She:_ "Oh! Jack! Are you perfectly certain that you love me?"

_He:_ "My darling! You don't suppose that I have lived for thirty years
without knowing love when I feel it."

* * *

HOW IT HAPPENED

"What! You don't mean to tell me they are engaged! Why! They never met
until a week ago."

"I know it. But they happened, while out rowing together, to get caught
in a thunder storm."

* * *

A LINGUIST