*

REALISED

_Lawyer:_ "When I was a boy my highest ambition was to be a pirate."

_Client:_ "You're in luck. It isn't every man who can realise the dreams
of his youth."

* * *

NEVER MISS ONE

_Elder sister:_ "Oh, you fancy yourself very wise, I dare say; but I
could give you a wrinkle or two."

_Younger sister:_ "No doubt--and never miss them."

* * *

A BAD NIGHT

The boy who had "made good" in town asked his old mother to come to
London. He gave the old lady the best room in the hotel--one with a
private bath adjoining. The next morning the boy asked:

"Did you have a good night's rest?"

"Well, no, I didn't," she replied. "The room was all right, and the bed
was pretty. But I couldn't sleep very much, for I was afraid someone
would want to take a bath, and the only way to it was through my room!"

* * *

TRIPPED

The shaded lights, music in the distance, sweet perfumes from the costly
flowers about them--everything was just right for a proposal, and
Timkins decided to chance his luck. She was pretty, which was good, and
also, he believed, an heiress, which was better.

"Are you not afraid that someone will marry you for your money?" he
asked gently.

"Oh! dear, no," smiled the girl. "Such an idea never entered my head!"

"Ah! Miss Liscombe," he sighed, "in your sweet innocence you do not
dream how coldly, cruelly mercenary some men are!"

"Perhaps I don't," replied the girl calmly.

"I would not for a moment have such a terrible fate befall you," he said
passionately. "You are too good--too beautiful. The man who wins you
should love you for yourself alone."

"He'll have to," the girl remarked. "It's my cousin Jennie who has the
money--not I. You seem to have got us mixed. I haven't a penny myself."

"Oh--er!" stammered the young man, "what pleasant weather we are having,
aren't we?"

* * *

THE GLOOMY GUEST

The best man noticed that one of the wedding guests, a gloomy-looking
young man, did not seem to be enjoying himself. He was wandering about
as though he had lost his last friend. The best man took it upon himself
to cheer him up.

"Er--have you kissed the bride?" he asked by way of introduction.

"Not lately," replied the gloomy one, with a faraway expression.

* * *