Where did you get that from?"

_Small Boy:_ "It's a lost ball, Daddy."

_Father:_ "Are you sure it's a lost ball?"

_Small Boy:_ "Yes, Daddy; they're still looking for it."

* * *

_Small Boy_ (_toying with dull blanc-mange_): "Please may I have an ice
instead of finishing this--'cos I feel sick?"

* * *

THE NEW APPRECIATION

_Wife_ (_habitue of the Ring, gazing after stranger who has knocked her
husband down_): "That was a lovely upper-cut he gave you, George. I
wonder who he is?"

* * *

_Lady:_ "I've just been making my side ache over your latest book."

_Author_ (_delighted_): "Oh, really. Did you find it so amusing?"

_Lady:_ "Well, the fact is I went to sleep on the top of it."

* * *

_Employer_ (_inspecting a very inflated bill for work_): "Look here--how
did you get at this amount?"

_Odd Jobs Man:_ "Well, Sir, didn't know how you'd prefer me to charge it
up, so I just charged by time."

_Employer:_ "Oh, really! I thought you must have been charging by
eternity."

* * *

_Tourist:_ "Have you any cold meat?"

_Waiter:_ "Well, we have some that's nearly cold, Sir."

* * *

_Lady:_ "If you please, Cook, may we have steak and onions for lunch
to-day?"

_Cook:_ "You can have steak, but I'm afraid I can't let you have onions.
You see, I'm going out this afternoon, and onions always make my eyes so
red."

* * *

_Small Boy_ (_on being told by cousin that she is engaged to be
married_): "Oh! (_long pause_) and what did your husband say when he
engaged you?"

* * *

_Master:_ "But why do you want to get married, Jones?"

_Butler:_ "Well, Sir, _I don't want my name to die out_."

* * *

_Artist_ (_in desperation_): "That, Sir, I consider the finest in my
exhibition. You can have it for half the catalogue price."

_The Visitor:_ "Bless my soul! You don't say so. By the way, what is the
price of the catalogue?"

* * *

"Well, Mollie, how do you like your new teacher?"

"I half like her, and I half don't like her. But I think I half don't
like her most."

*