* * *

"Does God make lions, Mother?"

"Yes, dear."

"But isn't he frightened to?"

* * *

"Excuse me, officer, but have you seen any pickpockets about here with a
handkerchief marked 'Susan'?"

* * *

_Mrs. Green to Mrs. Jones_ (_who is gazing at an aeroplane_): "My word!
I shouldn't care for one of _them_ flying things to settle on me."

* * *

_The Woman:_ "Jazz stockings are the latest thing, dear. Here's a
picture of a girl with them on."

_The Man:_ "What appalling rot! Er--after you with the paper."

* * *

_Small Invalid_ (_to visitor_): "I've had a lot of diseases in my
time--measles--whooping-cough--influenza--tonsilitis--but (_modestly_) I
haven't had dropsy yet."

* * *

THE SERVANT PROBLEM

_Lady:_ "And why did your last mistress----"

_Applicant_ (_loftily_): "Excuse me, Madam!"

_Lady:_ "Well--er--your last employer----"

_Applicant:_ "I beg your pardon, Madam!"

_Lady:_ "Well, then, your last--er--pray what do you call those in whose
service you are engaged?"

_Applicant:_ "Clients, Madam."

* * *

_Small Girl:_ "I wonder how old Joan is?"

_Small Boy:_ "I bet she won't see four again."

* * *

_Mother:_ "Well, dear, has Jack kissed you under the mistletoe?"

_Mary_ (_demurely_): "Yes, Mummy."

_Mother:_ "And did you enjoy it?"

_Mary:_ "Yes, thank you, Mummy; but (_very demurely_) _I struggled_."

* * *

"Mollie, you haven't said your prayers."

"I'm going to say them in bed to-night."

"Oh, Mollie, that isn't etiquette."

* * *

_Applicant for Situation:_ "And 'ow long did yer last cook oblige yer?"

* * *

TROUBLES OF THE NEW-POOR

"George, will you go and speak to cook? I bought some tripe for dinner
and--she's still looking at it through her lorgnette."

* * *

"I hear you've taken up golf. What do you go round in?"

"Well, usually in a sweater."

* * *

_Small Boy_ (_walking round links with his father_): "Daddy, here's a
ball for you."

_Father:_ "