I haven't any
spare minutes, I'll take 'em anyhow."

After a tender interval punctuated with similar ardent promises, he went
away from there, and called on another girl. In fact, he called on ten
separate and distinct pretty girls, and each of them was tender and
sought his promises, which he gave freely and ardently and when it was
all done with, he communed with himself somewhat sadly.

"I do hope," he said wearily, "there won't be much fighting to do over
there--for I'm going to be awfully busy."

WEATHER

The old colored attendant at the court house had a formula for
addressing the judge:

"What's the news this mawnin', Jedge?"

And the judge's habitual reply was to the effect that there was no news
in particular.

But one morning, in answer to the usual query, there came a variation:

"Our country has declared war against Spain." The darky scratched his
head thoughtfully, then rolled his eyes to squint at the cloudless blue
of the sky, and finally remarked in a pleased tone:

"They shohly done picked a fine day fer it."

WHALES

At the time when petroleum began to be used instead of whale oil for
burning in lamps, a kindly old lady was deeply perturbed by the change.

"What," she wanted to know, "will the poor whales do now?"

WHISKERS

An elderly man was on his way home by train from a session of three days
at a convention of his political party. (This was antedating the era of
prohibition.) The man's personal preferences had been gratified in the
nominations at the convention, and he had celebrated in a way only too
common in the bibulous period of our history. His absorption in other
things and of other things had led him to neglect shaving throughout the
three days. Now, as he chanced to move his hand over his chin, it
encountered the long growth of white bristles, and he was aroused to a
realization of his neglect. To determine just how badly he needed a
shave, the elderly gentleman opened his handbag, and fumbled in it for a
mirror. In his confused condition, he seized on a silver-backed
hair-brush of the same set, pulled it forth, and held it up to his face
with the bristles toward him. He studied these with great care, groaned
and muttered:

"I look worse than I thought for. Whatever will Sarah Ann say!"

WIDOW

One of the ladies assembled at the club was describing the wedding she
had just attended:

"And then, just as Frank and the widow started up the aisle to the
altar,