"Thin, begorra, Oi'd loike to see the other
fellow."

WAR

A report has come from Mexico concerning the doings of three
revolutionary soldiers who visited a ranch, which was the property of an
American spinster and her two nieces. The girls are pretty and
charming, but the aunt is somewhat elderly and much faded, though
evidently of a dauntless spirit. The three soldiers looked over the
property and the three women, and then declared that they were tired of
fighting, and had decided to marry the women and make their home on the
ranch.

The two girls were greatly distressed and terrified, but even in their
misery they were unselfish.

"We are but two helpless women," they said in effect, "and if we must,
we bow to our cruel fate. But please--oh, please--spare our dear auntie.
Do not marry her."

At this point, their old-maid relation spoke up for herself:

"Now, now, you girls--you mind your own business. War is war."

* * *

"How do countries come to go to war?" the little boy inquired, looking
up from his book.

"For various reasons," explained the father. "Now, there was Germany and
Russia. They went to war because the Russians mobilized."

"Not at all, my dear," the wife interrupted. "It was because the
Austrians--"

"Tut, tut, my love!" the husband remonstrated. "Don't you suppose I
know?"

"Certainly not--you are all wrong. It was because--"

"Mrs. Perkins, I tell you it was because--"

"Benjamin, you ought to know better, you have boggled--"

"Your opinion, madam, has not been requested in this matter."

"Shut up! I won't have my child mistaught by an ignoramus."

"Don't you dare, you impudent--"

"And don't you dare bristle at me, or I'll--"

"Oh, never mind!" the little boy intervened. "I think I know now how
wars begin."

* * *

At our entry into the World War, a popular young man enlisted and before
setting forth for camp in his uniform made a round of farewell calls.
The girl who first received him made an insistent demand:

"You'll think of me every single minute when you're in those stupid old
trenches!"

"Every minute," he agreed solemnly.

"And you'll kiss my picture every night."

"Twice a night," he vowed, with the girl's pretty head on the shoulder
of the new uniform coat.

"And you'll write me long, long letters?" she pleaded.

"I'll write every spare minute," he assured her, "and if