S

"Please tell me, James," directed the young lady teacher, "where
shingles were first used?"

"I could, ma'am," little Jimmie replied in great embarrassment, "but I'd
rather not."

TERMINOLOGY

When the bishop was entertained at an English country house, the butler
coached carefully the new boy who was to carry up the jug of hot water
for shaving in the morning.

"When you knock," the butler explained, "and he asks, 'Who's there?'
then you must say, 'It's the boy, my Lord.'"

The lad, in much nervous trepidation, duly carried up the hot water, but
in answer to the bishop's query as to who was at the door, he announced:

"It's the Lord, my boy!"

The butler overheard and was horrified. He hammered into the youth's
consciousness, the fact that a bishop must be addressed as my lord.
Finally, he was satisfied that the boy understood, and permitted him to
assist in serving the dinner that night. The youngster was sent to the
bishop to offer a plate of cheese. With shaking knees, he presented the
dish to the prelate, and faltered:

"My God, will you have some cheese?"

* * *

The master of the house returned from business somewhat early. He did
not find his wife about, and so called downstairs to the cook:

"Bridget, do you know anything of my wife's whereabouts?"

"No, sor," Bridget answered, "Sure, I know nothin' but I'm thinkin',
sor, it's likely they're in the wash."

TESTIMONY

Paul Smith, the famous hotel-keeper in the Adirondacks, told of a law
suit that he had with a man named Jones in Malone.

"It was this way: I sat in the courtroom before the case opened with my
witnesses around me. Then Jones bustled in. He stopped abruptly, and
looked my witnesses over carefully. Presently he turned to me.

"'Paul,' he asked, 'are those your witnesses?'

"'They are,' I replied.

"'Then you win,' he exclaimed. 'I've had them witnesses twice myself.'"

* * *

The grateful woman on the farm in Arkansas wrote to the vendors of the
patent medicine:

"Four weeks ago I was so run down that I could not spank the baby. After
taking three bottles of your Elegant Elixir I am now able to thrash my
husband in addition to my other housework. God bless you!"

* * *

In one of the most desolate areas of Montana, a claim was taken by a man
from Iowa. The nearest neighbor, from twenty miles aw