ay, visited the
homesteader's shack, and introduced himself.

"Where did you come from?" the visitor inquired presently, and when he
had been told:

"I can't understand why anybody should want to get out of that civilized
country to come and live in this lonesomeness."

"Fact was," the man from Iowa explained somberly, "I didn't exactly like
it down there any more. You see, it was this way. They got to telling
things about me. Why, they even said I was a liar and hoss thief, and no
better than I ought to be. And, by Jemima, I jest pulled out and went
right away from them scandalous folks."

"Well, I swan!" the visitor exclaimed indignantly. "You can bet I
wouldn't leave a place for any reason like that. I'd make them prove
what they said."

The homesteader sighed dismally as he answered:

"That's jest the trouble--they did prove it!"

THREAT

The mother, who was a believer in strict discipline, sternly addressed
her little daughter, who sat wofully shrinking in the dentist's chair as
the ogre approached forceps in hand:

"Now, Letty, if you cry, I'll never take you to the dentist's again."

THRIFT

A Scotchman was questioned by a friend:

"Mac, I hear ye have fallen in love wi' bonny Kate McAllister."

"Weel, Sanders," Mac replied, "I was near--veera near--doin' it, but the
bit lassy had nae siller, so I said to meaself, 'Mac, be a mon.' And I
was a mon, and noo I jist pass her by."

* * *

The thrifty housewife regarded her dying husband with stern disapproval
as he moaned and tossed restlessly from side to side.

"William Henry," she rebuked him, "you jest needn't kick and squirm so,
and wear them best sheets all out, even if you be a-dyin'."

TIME FLIES

The ardent lover heard the clock strike the hours--first nine, then ten,
then eleven. At the sound of twelve strokes, he burst forth
passionately:

"How fleet are the hours in your presence, my beloved!"

"Don't be silly!" the girl chided. "That's pa setting the clock."

TIT FOR TAT

The prize bull-dog attacked a farmer, who defended himself with a
pitchfork, and in doing so killed the dog. The owner was greatly
distressed, and reproached the farmer.

"Why didn't you use the other end of the fork," he demanded, "and just
beat him off, without killing him?"

"I would have," the farmer answered, "if he had come at me with the
other end."

TOBACCO

The native pointed with pride to two