t
into the back yard--the grass there is longer."

TACT

The senator from Utah was able to disarm by flattery the resentment of a
woman at a reception in Washington, who upbraided him for that plurality
of wives so dear to Mormon precept and practice.

"Alas, madam," the senator declared with a touch of sadness in his
voice, "we are compelled in Utah to marry a number of wives."

His fair antagonist was frankly surprised.

"What do you mean?" she demanded.

The senator explained suavely:

"We have to seek there in several women the splendid qualities that here
are to be found in one."

TALKING MACHINE

Many a man who has suffered from tongue-lashings at home will be moved
to profound sympathy for the victim described as follows in a local news
item of a country paper:

"Alice Jardine, a married woman, was charged with unlawfully wounding
her husband, Charles Jardine, a laborer, by striking him with a pair of
tongues."

TAR AND FEATHERS

The victim of the Klu Klux Klan plucked some feathers from his neck with
one hand, while he picked gingerly at the tar on his legs with the
other.

"The excitement," he murmured, "rose to a terrible pitch, but it soon
came down."

TASTE

A noted humorist once spent a few weeks with a tribe of western Indians.
On his return, he was asked concerning his experiences. One question
was:

"Did you ever taste any dog-feast stew?"

"Yes," was the melancholy reply. "I tasted it twice--once when it went
down, and once when it came up."

* * *

It's all a matter of taste, as the old lady said when she kissed the
cow.

* * *

The master of the house was hungry at breakfast, and swallowed a good
part of his bacon before he tasted it. Then he took time to protest
violently to his wife against the flavor of the food. The good lady
offered no apology, but rang for the servant. When the latter appeared,
the mistress asked a question that was little calculated to soothe her
husband.

"Maggie," she inquired serenely, "what did you do with the bacon we
poisoned for the rats?"

TEARS

The kind lady stopped to tell the sobbing little girl not to cry, and
she offered as a convincing argument:

"You know it makes little girls homely."

The child stared belligerently at the benevolent lady, and then
remarked:

"You must have cried an awful lot when you was young."

TENDER MEMORIE