. We
have had students who have written it in that length of time."

* * *

The young lady interested in botany inquired of the gentleman who had
been traveling in the South.

"What sort of a plant is the Virginia creeper?"

"That is not a plant," was the answer, given wearily; "it's a railroad."

SPELLING

Some time before Mr. Taft became President of the United States, he took
an extended trip in the mountains of West Virginia. On one occasion, he
was conveyed along the mountain roads in a buggy driven by a native of
the region. As they came to a small stream, Mr. Taft, without any
particular interest, inquired concerning the brook's name. So far as he
could understand, the answer was:

"This here are Swum-swum Crick."

"What?" Mr. Taft demanded.

In the repetition, the words sounded like:

"This here are Swoovel Crick."

The questioner was so puzzled that he asked the mountaineer how the name
of the Creek was spelled.

The native spat tobacco juice reflectively over the wheel, and then
spoke judicially:

"Waal, some spells it one way, an' some spells it another way; but in my
jedgmint thar are no propeer way."

* * *

The clerk of the court directed the witness to spell his name. The man
started his reply thus:

"_O_ double _t_, _i_ double _u_, _e_ double _l_, double _u_, double----"

The clerk interrupted:

"Please, begin again."

The witness complied glibly:

"_O_ double _t_, _i_ double _u_, _e_ double _l_, double _u_, double
_o_----"

The clerk groaned. The judge himself intervened: "What is your name?"

"Your Honor, it is Ottiwell Wood. I spell it: _O_ double _t_, _i_ double
_u_, _e_ double _l_, double _u_, double _o_, _d_."

SPINSTERHOOD

The old colored mammy took advantage of a wedding announcement to
question her mistress, who remained a spinster still though approaching
middle age.

"When is you gwine to git married, missy?"

"I don't know, mammy," was the thoughtful reply. "Really, I don't think
I'll ever get married."

A note of sadness in the speaker's voice moved the old woman to attempt
philosophical consolation:

"Well, they do say as how ole maids am the happies' kind after they
quits strugglin'."

SPITE

The faithful old employee asked for a day off. The request was granted,
with an inquiry as to what he intended to do on his holiday.

"I think," came the cautious answer,