, who was a social worker, completed her
call on a dweller in the tenement district, and rose to depart. The
unwilling hostess shook her head at the visitor's promise to come again.

"And excuse me if I don't return the call," she vouchsafed. "Myself,
I've got no time to go slummin'."

* * *

The philanthropic hostess entertained a party of children from
the slums at her home. She addressed one particularly pretty and
intelligent-looking little girl, who listened shyly. She urged the child
to speak without embarrassment. The little one complied, aspiring:

"How many children have you?"

"Six," the hostess answered, in surprise.

"What a big family! You must be sure to look after them properly, and be
very careful to keep them clean."

"I'll try to, certainly," the lady declared, much amused.

"Has your husband got a job?" the girl demanded crisply.

"Well, no," the hostess admitted.

"How unfortunate! You know you must keep out of debt."

"Really, you must not be impertinent," was the reproof.

"No, ma'am," the child responded simply, "mother said I must talk like a
lady, and that's the way the ladies talk when they come to see us."

SPANKING

Back in those days when corporal punishment was permitted to teachers, a
minor teacher named Miss Bings complained to one of her superiors, Miss
Manners, that she had spanked one particular boy, Thomas, until she
could spank him no more for physical fatigue.

"When you want him spanked again, send him to me," Miss Manners said.

Next morning, Thomas came into the presence of Miss Manners, displaying
an air that was downcast. The teacher regarded him with suspicion.

"Did you come from Miss Bings?" she asked sharply.

"Yes, ma'am," Thomas admitted.

"I thought as much!" On the instant, she skillfully inverted the
youngster over her lap, and whacked him in a most spirited manner. This
duty done, as the wailings of the boy died away, she demanded sternly:

"And now what have you to say?"

"Please, ma'am," Thomas answered brokenly, "Miss Bings wants the
scissors!"

SPEED

In the business college, the instructor addressed the new class
concerning the merits of shorthand. In his remarks, he included this
statement:

"It is a matter of record that it took the poet Gray seven years to
write his famous poem, 'Elegy in a Country Churchyard.' Had he been
proficient in stenography, he could have done it in seven minutes