"I shall go to my wife's funeral.
She died the other day."

A few weeks later, the request for a day off was repeated.

"And what are you going to do this time?" the employer asked.

"I think, mebbe, I'll get married."

"What! So soon after burying your wife?"

The faithful old employee smiled tolerantly, as he answered:

"Oh, well, I was never one to hold spite."

SPORTSMANSHIP

In the party out after reed birds was a tyro at the sport. When at last
he saw one of the birds walking about, he plumped down on his stomach,
and took aim. A companion called to him sharply:

"You're not going to shoot the bird while it's walking?"

"No," was the firm response; "I'll wait till it stops."

SPRING

The teacher talked on the four seasons, telling how in the spring the
new life comes to the earth, with the growth of grasses and leaves and
flowers, how this life matures in summer, and so on, and so on. Then she
called on the class to repeat the information she had given. She asked
one little boy about spring.

"What do we find in the spring, George?"

George seemed very reluctant to answer, but when the teacher insisted he
at last said:

"Why, ma'am, there's a frog, an' a lizard, an' a snake, an' a dead cat,
but I didn't put the cat there. It was another boy."

STAMMERING

On the occasion of a most interesting family event, Mr. Peedle, who
desired a son, paced the drawing-room in extreme agitation, until at
last the doctor appeared in the doorway.

"Oh, oh, tell me," he gasped, "what is it--a boy or a girl?"

"Tr-tr-tr--" the physician began stammeringly.

Peedle paled.

"Triplets! Merciful providence!"

"Qu-qu-qu--" spluttered the doctor.

Peedle paled some more.

"Quadruplets!" he moaned.

"N-n-no!" the physician snapped. "Qu-qu-quite the contrary. Tr-tr-try to
take it qu-quietly. It's a girl."

STYLE

Two old friends met, and immediately found that they were equally
devoted to motoring. After a discussion of their various cars, one
bethought himself to ask concerning the other's wife, whom he had never
seen. That lady was described by her husband, as follows:

"Nineteen-six model, limousine so to say, heavy tread, runs on low."

"Self-starter?"

"You bet!"

SUNDAY SCHOOL

The young lady worker for the Sunday school called on the newly wedded
pair.

"I am endeavoring to secure new scholars," she explained. "Won't you
send your children?"

When she was informed that there w