with solemn interest to the various
stories that were told in the smoking room. They were good stories, and
obviously lies, and each of them was a bigger lie than any that had gone
before. Finally, the company insisted that the new member should relate
a tale. He refused at first, but under pressure yielded, and gave a
vivid account of a shipwreck at sea during one of his voyages. He
described the stress of the terrible situation with such power that his
hearers were deeply impressed. He reached the point in his account where
only the captain and himself and half a dozen others were left aboard
the doomed vessel, after the last of the boats had been lowered.

"And then," he concluded, "a vast wave came hurtling down on us. It was
so huge that it shut out all the sky. It crashed over the already
sinking ship in a torrent of irresistible force. Under that dreadful
blow the laboring vessel sank, and all those left on board of her were
drowned."

The narrator paused and there was a period of tense silence. But
presently someone asked:

"And you--what became of you?"

"Oh, I," was the reply, "why I was drowned with the rest of them."

SLANDER

The business man's wife, who had called at his office, regarded the
pretty young stenographer with a baleful eye.

"You told me that your typewriter was an old maid," she accused.

The husband, at a loss, faltered in his reply, but at last contrived:

"Yes, but she's sick to-day, and sent her grandchild in her place."

SLAVERY

A traveler in the South chatted with an aged negro, whom he met in the
road.

"And I suppose you were once a slave?" he remarked.

"Yes, suh," the old colored man answered.

"And, so, after the war, you gained your freedom," the gentleman
continued.

But the ancient one shook his head sadly.

"No, suh," he declared with great emphasis. "Not perzactly, suh. I
didn't git mah freedom, suh, after de war--I done got married!"

SMELLS

An argument arose among a number of British officers during their time
of service in the Dardanelles, and wagers were made among them. The
question at issue was as to which smells the louder, a goat or a Turk.
The colonel was made arbiter. He sat judicially in his tent, and a goat
was brought in. The colonel fainted. After the officer had been revived,
and was deemed able to continue his duty as referee, a Turk was brought
into the tent. The goat fainted.

SOCIAL UPLIFT

The somewhat unpleasant person