-two smiling faces as a father upon his family, for I am
responsible for the safety of this group of seventeen. And now I ask
that all fourteen of you join me in drinking to a merry trip. Indeed, I
believe that we eight are most congenial, and I applaud the good fortune
that brought these three persons to my table. You and I, my dear sir,
are---- Here, steward, clear away all those dishes, and bring me the
fish."

* * *

The pair on their honeymoon were crossing the Channel, and the movement
of the waves seemed to be going on right inside the bride. In a fleeting
moment of internal calm she murmured pathetically to the bridegroom in
whose arms she was clasped:

"Oh, Jimmy, Jimmy, do you love me?"

"My darling!" he affirmed. "You know I love you with all my heart and
soul--I worship you, I adore you, my precious oontsy-woontsy!"

The boat reeled, and a sickening pang thrilled through all the
foundations of the bride's being.

"O dear, O dear!" she gasped. "I hoped that might help a little, but it
didn't--not a bit!"

* * *

The seasick voyager on the ocean bowed humbly over the rail and made
libation to Neptune. The kindly old gentleman who stood near remarked
sympathetically:

"You have a weak stomach."

The victim paused in his distressing occupation to snort indignantly:

"Weak? Humph! I guess I can throw as far as anybody on this ship."

* * *

The wife of the seasick passenger was about to leave the stateroom for
dinner. She inquired of her husband solicitously:

"George, shall I have the steward bring some dinner to you here?"

"No," was the reply, haltingly given between groans.

"But I wish, my dear, you would ask him to take it on deck and throw it
over the rail for me."

* * *

The moralizing gentleman at the club remarked ponderously:

"If there is anything in a man, travel will bring it out."

One who had just landed from a rough crossing agreed bitterly:

"Especially ocean travel."

SECTARIAN

Once upon a time a coach was held up by a road-agent. The driver
explained to the robber that his only passenger was a man, who was
asleep inside. The highwayman insisted that the traveler be awakened. "I
want to go through his pockets!" he declared fiercely, with an oath.

The bishop, when aroused, made gentle protests.

"You s