kin' noight an'
day.

Mrs. O'Rafferty--Yis, Oi'm under bonds to kape the pace for pullin' the
hair o' that blaggard Missus Murphy; an' the Judge tould me as if Oi
touched her again he'd foine me tin dollars.

Mrs. Riley--An' yez is worrukin' so hard so's to kape outen mischief.

Mrs. O'Rafferty (hissing viciously between her teeth)--No! Oi'm savin'
oop the foine.

* * *

The father entered the room where Clara, his daughter, was entertaining
her young man.

"What is it, popper?" the young lady inquired.

Her father held out the umbrella which he carried.

"This is for John," he explained. "It looks as if it might rain before
morning."

PRIDE

The little boy was greatly elated when informed by his mother that the
liveliness of her hair as she combed it was caused by electricity.

"Oh, my!" he exclaimed. "Ain't we a wonderful family! Mama has
electricity on her head, and grandma has gas on her stomach."

* * *

Pride often has no better basis in fact than the self-congratulation of
little Raymond in the following story:

Raymond came home from a session of the Sunday School fairly swollen
with importance. He explained the cause to his mother.

"The superintendent said something awful nice about me this morning in
his prayer."

"And what did he say, dear?" the mother inquired, concealing her
astonishment.

The boy quoted glibly and sincerely.

"He said, 'O Lord, we thank thee for our food and Raymond.'"

PRECOCIOUSNESS

A stranger rang the door-bell. Little eight-year-old Willie Jones opened
the door.

"Is Mr. Jones in?" the caller inquired.

Little Willie answered with formal politeness:

"I'm Mr. Jones. Or did you wish to see old Mr. Jones?"

PRISON REFORM

The society matron explained the necessity for immediate reform in
conditions at the State Penitentiary:

"Nowadays, there are such a number of our very best people who are being
indicted and tried and convicted and sent to serve their sentences in
the prison that we really must make their surroundings there more
pleasant and elegant."

PRIVILEGE

The tenderfoot in the mining town was watching a poker game for heavy
stakes, when he saw the dealer give himself four aces from the bottom of
the deck. He whispered the fact in shocked surprise to a citizen beside
him. The latter looked astonished.

"What of it?" he drawled. "Wasn't it his deal?"