and preserving his gravity with some effort
inquired of the trooper if he had suffered any hurt from the fall.

"Naw," was the disgusted reply. "But if I ever love a country agin, you
can kick _me_!"

PEACE

The mourning widow caused a tender sentiment to be chiseled on the
headstone of her husband's grave. The exact wording was as follows:

"Thou are at rest, until we meet again."

PEACEMAKER

The father was telling at the table of a row between two men in which he
had interfered. One had swung a shovel aloft, shouting, "I'll knock your
brains out!"

"It was at this moment," the head of the family explained, "that I
stepped in between them."

Little Johnnie had been listening, round-eyed with excitement. Now, he
burst forth:

"I guess he couldn't knock any brains out of you, could he, pa?"

PENSION

The usual details in administration of the pension laws are not amusing,
but occasionally even here a bit of humor creeps in to relieve the
tedium. Thus, John Smith, claimant under Invalid Original No.
98,325,423, based his application for succor upon an "injury to leg due
to the kick of a vicious horse" in the service and line of duty, etc.

This was formally insufficient, and the bureau advised to claimant to
this effect, directing him to state: "which leg was injured by the
alleged kick of a vicious horse."

The reply came promptly:

"My leg!"

PESSIMISM

The energetic New England woman addressed her hired girl in a
discouraged tone:

"Here it is Monday morning and to-morrow will be Tuesday, and the next
day Wednesday--the whole week half gone, and nothing done yit!"

* * *

The old man shook his head dolefully in response to an inquiry
concerning his health.

"It isn't what it ought to be," he declared. "I find my strength is
failing. It used to be I could walk around the block every morning. But
now lately, somehow, when I'm only half way round, I feel so tired I
have to turn and come back."

* * *

The visitor remarked affably to the man of the house:

"Your family is wonderfully talented. One son plays the cornet, two
daughters play the piano and the guitar, and your wife plays the banjo,
and the other children play ukuleles. As the father of such musical
geniuses, you must be something yourself, aren't you?"

"Yes," was the answer, "I am a pessimist."

PHILANTHROPY

"I hear that Mrs. Brewst