er hasn't paid her servants any wages for a
number of months," remarked one lady to another in a suburban town.

"Why does she keep such a number of them then?" was the pertinent
inquiry.

"Oh, Mrs. Brewster tells everyone she regards it as her solemn duty to
employ as many as possible when times are so hard."

PHONETICS

Little Willie questioned his grandmother with an appearance of great
seriousness:

"Ain't Rotterdam the name of a city, Gramma?"

"Don't say 'ain't', Willie," the old lady corrected. "Yes, Rotterdam is
the name of a city. Why?"

"It ain't swearin' to say it, is it Gramma?"

"Don't say 'ain't', Willie. No, it isn't swearing to say Rotterdam.
Why?"

"Cause if sister keeps on eatin' so much candy, she'll Rotterdam head
off."

PHYSIOLOGY

The teacher explained to her young pupils some facts concerning various
organs of the body, including the eye as the organ of sight, the ear as
the organ of hearing, and the like. Then she asked the pupils to repeat
to her what they had learned. There was a short silence, which was
broken by a bright little boy, who spoke as follows:

"I see with my eye organ, I hear with my ear organ, I smell with my nose
organ, I eat with my mouth organ, and I feel with my hand organ."

PLAIN SPEAKING

The new maid was talkative, and related some of her experiences in
service.

"You seem to have had a good many situations," was the lady's comment
as the girl paused. "How many different mistresses have you had, all
told?"

"Fifteen, all told," the maid declared promptly; "yes mum, all told
eggzactly what I thought of them."

PLAYING POSSUM

"No, suh," the ancient negro asserted, with a melancholy shaking of his
bald head, "dar hain't no trustin' a 'possum. Once on a time, suh, I
done watched de hole of a 'possum all night long. An' at las', suh, de
'possum done come out of his hole. An' what yoh t'ink de ole scallywog
done did? Well, suh, he done come out, an' when he done come out, he was
a polecat!"

PLUMBER

The plumber at many dollars a day could afford a little persiflage with
the cook in the kitchen where he was theoretically repairing the sink.
The cook was plain-featured, but any diversion was welcome to speed the
hours for which he drew pay. He made a strong impression on the cook,
and when he took his departure, she simpered, and said coyly:

"Thursday is my evenin' off, an' we might go to the movies."

The plumber snorted indignantly.