ey even
remove their shoes at the doorway. A Japanese student in New York was
continually distressed by the dirty hallways of the building in which
he lived. In the autumn, the janitor placed a notice at the entrance,
which read:

"Please wipe your feet."

The Japanese wrote beneath in pencil:

"On going out."

NEIGHBORS

It was a late hour when the hostess at the reception requested the
eminent basso to sing.

"It is too late, madam," he protested. "I should disturb your
neighbors."

"Not at all," declared the lady, beaming. "Besides, they poisoned our
dog last week."

NERVES

The older sister rebuked the younger when putting her to bed for being
cross and ill tempered throughout the day. After she had been neatly
tucked in, the little one commented:

"It's temper when it's me an' nerves when it's you."

NIGHTMARE

"And you say you have the same nightmare every night," the doctor
inquired. "What is it?"

The suffering man answered:

"I dream that I'm married."

"Ah, hum!" the physician grunted perfunctorily. "To whom?"

"To my wife," the patient explained. "That's what makes it a
nightmare."

The inn-keeper was inclined to take advantage of a particular guest who
did not scrutinize the bills rendered. When the clerk mentioned the fact
that this guest had complained of a nightmare, the host brightened, and
marked down an item of ten dollars charge for livery.

NOMENCLATURE

The young son of a mountaineer family in North Carolina had visited for
the first time in the town twelve miles from home, and had eaten his
mid-day meal there. Questioned on his return as to the repast, he
described it with enthusiasm, except in one particular:

"They done had something they called gravee. But hit looked like sop,
an' hit tasted like sop, an' I believe in my soul 'twar sop!"

* * *

When his daughter returned from the girls' college, the farmer regarded
her critically, and then demanded:

"Ain't you a lot fatter than you was?"

"Yes, dad," the girl admitted. "I weigh one hundred and forty pounds
stripped for 'gym.'"

The father stared for a moment in horrified amazement, then shouted:

"Who in thunder is Jim?"

* * *

On an occasion when a distinguished critic was to deliver a lecture on
the poet Keats in a small town, the president of the local literary
society was prevented by illness from introducing th