cents.
In speaking of some very beautiful grapes served, which had been grown
on his estate, he wearied the company by a careful calculation as to
just how much a stem of them had cost him. Doctor Hale grinned
pleasantly as he extended his empty plate, with the request:

"I'll thank you to cut me off about $1.87 worth more, please."

MONOGAMY

The wives of the savage chief questioned the wife of the missionary:

"And you never let your husband beat you?"

"Certainly not," the Christian lady replied. "Why, he wouldn't dare to
try such a thing!"

The oldest wife nodded understandingly.

"It is plain enough why the foreign devil has only one wife."

MONOTONY

The son of the house addressed his mother wistfully.

"I'm going to have a little sister some day, ain't I?"

"Why, dear, do you want one?"

The child nodded seriously.

"Yes, mama, I do. It gets kin' o' tiresome teasin' the cat."

MORALITY

The more-or-less-religious woman was deeply shocked when the new
neighbors sent over on Sunday morning to borrow her lawn-mower.

"The very idea," she exclaimed to her maid, "of cutting grass on the
Sabbath! Shameful! Certainly, they can't have it. Tell them we haven't
any lawn-mower."

MOSQUITOES

The visitor from another state talked so much concerning the size and
fierceness of New Jersey mosquitoes that his host became somewhat
peeved.

"Funny!" the guest remarked. "You haven't your porch screened."

"No," the host snapped; "we're using mouse-traps."

* * *

A visitor in the South complained bitterly concerning the plague of
mosquitoes. An aged negro who listened respectfully explained a method
by which the pests might be endured. But this was in the days before
prohibition.

"My old Marse George, suh, he done managed them animiles sholy
splendiferous. Always when he come home nights, he so completely
intoxicated he don't care a cuss foh all the skeeters in the hull
creation. In the mawnin, when Marse George done git up, the skeeters so
completely intoxicated they don't care a cuss foh Marse George, ner
nobody!"

MOTTO

Two men walking along Avenue A in New York City observed a dingy saloon,
in the window of which was a framed sign, reading:

"_Ici on parle francais_."

"I don't believe anybody talks French in that dump," one of the
observers remarked.

To settle the matter, they entered, and ordered ginger ale of a
red-headed barkeeper w