y:

"I want to get off here, if you dubs will be good enough to take your
hands out of my pocket."

* * *

During the Civil War, an old negro was deeply interested in the
conflict, but showed no sign of wishing to take part in it. A white man
questioned him one day:

"The men of the North and South are killing one another on your account.
Why don't you pitch in and fight yourself?"

"Has you-all ever seen two dogs fightin' over a bone?" the negro
demanded.

"Many times, of course," was the answer.

The old negro chuckled as he said:

"Did you ever see de bone fight?"

"Well!--no!"

"Dat's all! I'se de bone."

BREAKFAST

The Southern Colonel at Saratoga Springs, in the days before
prohibition, directed the colored waiter at his table in the hotel:

"You-all kin bring me a Kentucky breakfast."

"An' what is that, sir?" the waiter inquired doubtfully.

The Colonel explained:

"Bring me a big steak, a bulldog and a quart of Bourbon whiskey."

"But why do you order a bulldog?" asked the puzzled waiter.

"To eat the steak, suh!" snapped the Colonel.

BREVITY

The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars
was given by Mark Twain. His story was that when he had listened for
five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was
going to contribute fifty dollars, after ten minutes more of the sermon,
he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five
dollars, after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five
dollars. At the end of an hour of oratory when the plate was passed, he
stole two dollars.

BRIBERY

A thriving baseball club is one of the features of a boy's organization
connected with a prominent church. The team was recently challenged by a
rival club. The pastor gave a special contribution of five dollars to
the captain, with the direction that the money should be used to buy
bats, balls, gloves, or anything else that might help to win the game.
On the day of the game, the pastor was somewhat surprised to observe
nothing new in the club's paraphernalia. He called the captain to him.

"I don't see any new bats, or balls, or gloves," he said.

"We haven't anything like that," the captain admitted.

"But I gave you five dollars to buy them," the pastor exclaimed.

"Well, you see," came the explanation, "you told us to spend it for
bats, or balls, or gloves, or anything that