near-concussion
of the brain. He reeled back, but presently sighted carefully, and tried
again, with the like result. When this had happened a half-dozen times,
the unhappy man lifted up his voice and wept.

"Lost--Lost!" he sobbed. "Hopelessly lost in an impenetrable forest!"

* * *

The proprietor of the general store at the cross-roads had his place
overrun by rats, and the damage was such that he offered a hundred
dollars reward to anyone who would rid him of the pests. A
disreputable-appearing person turned up one morning, and announced that
he was a professional rat-killer.

"Get to work," the store-keeper urged.

"I must have a pound of cheese," the killer declared.

When this had been provided:

"Now give me a quart of whiskey."

Equipped with the whiskey, the professional spoke briskly:

"Now show me the cellar."

An hour elapsed, and then the rat-catcher galloped up the cellar stairs
and leaped into the store. His face was red, the eyes glaring, and he
shook his fists in defiance of the world at large, as he jumped high in
air and shouted:

"Whoopee! I'm ready! bring on your rats!"

* * *

Two Southern gentlemen, who were of very convivial habits, chanced to
meet on the street at nine o'clock in the morning after an evening's
revel together. The major addressed the colonel with decorous solemnity:

"Colonel, how do you feel, suh?"

The colonel left nothing doubtful in the nature of his reply:

"Major," he declared tartly, "I feel like thunder, suh, as any Southern
gentleman should, suh, at this hour of the morning!"

* * *

The old toper was asked if he had ever met a certain gentleman, also
notorious for his bibulous habits.

"Know him!" was the reply. "I should say I do! Why, I got him so drunk
one night it took three hotel porters to put me to bed."

* * *

A farmer, who indulged in sprees, was observed in his Sunday clothes
throwing five bushels of corn on the ear into the pen where he kept half
a dozen hogs, and he was heard to mutter:

"Thar, blast ye! if ye're prudent, that orter last ye."

* * *

A mouse chanced on a pool of whiskey that was the result of a raid by
prohibition-enforcement agents. The mouse had had no previous
acquaintance with liquor, but now, being thirsty,