hat I put in fifty
dollars of my own money."

FINANCIERS

"My pa, he's a financier," boasted one small boy to another.

"'Tain't much to brag of," the other sneered. "My pa an' uncle Jack are
in jail, too."

FISHING

The congressman from California was telling at dinner in the hotel of
tuna fishing.

"Just run out in a small motor boat," he explained, "and anything less
than a hundred pounds is poor sport."

The colored waiter was so excited that he interrupted:

"You say you go after hundred-pound fish in a little motor boat, suh?"

The congressman nodded.

"But," the darky protested, "ain't you scairt fer fear you'll ketch
one?"

FLATTERY

An eminent statesman was being driven rapidly by his chauffeur, when the
car struck and killed a dog that leaped in front of it. At the
statesman's order, the chauffeur stopped the car, and the great man got
out and hurried back to where a woman was standing by the remains. The
dead dog's mistress was deeply grieved, and more deeply angered. As the
statesman attempted to address her placatingly, she turned on him
wrathfully, and told him just what she thought, which was considerable
and by no means agreeable. When, at last, she paused for breath, the
culprit tried again to soothe her, saying:

"Madam, I shall be glad to replace your dog."

The woman drew herself up haughtily, surveyed the statesman with supreme
scorn, and hissed:

"Sir, you flatter yourself!"

FLEAS

The debutante was alarmed over the prospect of being taken in to dinner
by the distinguished statesman.

"Whatever can we talk about?" she demanded anxiously of her mother.

Afterward, in the drawing-room, she came to her mother with a radiant
smile.

"He's fine," she exclaimed. "We weren't half way through the soup before
we were chatting cozily about the fleas in Italian hotels."

FLIRTATION

The gentleman at the party, who was old enough to know better, turned to
another guest, who had just paused beside him:

"Women are fickle. See that pretty woman by the window? She was smiling
at me flirtatiously a few minutes ago and now she looks cold as an
iceberg."

"I have only just arrived," the other man said. "She is my wife."

FLOOD

The breakfaster in the cheap restaurant tried to make conversation with
the man beside him at the counter.

"Awful rainy spell--like the flood."

"The flood?" The tone was polite, but inquiring.

"_The_ flood--Noah, the Ark, Mount Ararat.