"I'm not as strong as I
wance was, and I misdoubt me that I could go through all that money and
live."

* * *

In a London theatre, a tragedy was being played. The aged king tottered
to and fro on the stage as he declaimed:

"On which one of my two sons shall I bestow the crown?"

A voice came down from the gallery:

"Hi saye, guv'nor, myke it 'arf a crown apiece."

* * *

Said one Tommy to another:

"That's a snortin' pipe, Bill. Where'd you happen on it?"

"It was pussonal property of a Boche what tried to take me prisoner,"
was the answer. "Inherited it from him."

INITIATIVE

The sweet little girl had a violent tussle with her particular chum. Her
mother reprimanded her, and concluded by saying:

"It was Satan who suggested to you the pulling of Jenny's hair."

"I shouldn't be surprised," the child replied musingly. "But," she added
proudly, "kicking her in the shins was entirely my own idea."

INJUSTICE

The child sat by the road bawling loudly. A passer-by asked him what was
the matter.

"My ma, she's gone and drowned the kittens," the boy wailed.

"Oh, isn't that too bad!" was the sympathetic response.

The child bawled the louder.

"An' ma she promised me that I could drown 'em."

INNOCENCE

A little girl four years old was alone in the nursery with the door
closed and fastened when her little brother arrived and expressed a
desire to come in. The following was the dialogue:

"I wants to tum in, Sissy."

"But you tan't tum in, Tom."

"But I wants to."

"Well, I'se in my nightie gown an' nurse says little boys mus'n't see
little girls in their nightie gowns."

There was a period of silence during which the astonished little boy
reflected on the mystery. It was ended by Sissy's calling out:

"You tan tum in now, Tom--I tooked it off."

* * *

The very young clergyman made his first parochial call. He tried to
admire the baby, and asked how old it was.

"Just ten weeks old," the proud mother replied.

And the very young clergyman inquired interestedly:

"And is it your youngest?"

INQUISITIVENESS

In the smoking car, one of the passengers had an empty coatsleeve. The
sharer of his seat was of an inquisitive turn, and after a vain effort
to restrain his curiosity, finally hemmed and hawed, and said:

"I beg pardon, sir, but I see you've lost a