"

The other bit off half a slice of bread, shook his head, and mumbled
thickly:

"Hain't read to-day's paper yit."

FLOWERS

Gilbert wrote a couplet concerning--

"An attachment _a la_ Plato
For a bashful young potato."

Such suggestion is all very well in a humorous ballad, but we do not
look for anything of the sort in a serious romance of real life.
Nevertheless, a Welsh newspaper of recent date carried the following
paragraph:

"At ---- Church, on Monday last, a very interesting wedding was
solemnized, the contracting parties being Mr. Richard ----, eldest son
of Mr. and Mrs. ----, and a bouquet of pink carnations."

FOG

The old gentleman was lost in a London fog, so thick that he could
hardly see his hand before his face. He became seriously alarmed when he
found himself in a slimy alley. Then he heard footsteps approaching
through the obscurity, and sighed with relief.

"Where am I going to?" he cried anxiously.

A voice replied weirdly from the darkness beyond:

"Into the river--I've just come out!"

FOLLIES

A wise old Quaker woman once said that men were guilty of three most
astonishing follies. The first was the climbing of trees to shake down
the fruit, when if they would but wait, the fruit would fall of itself.
The second was the going to war to kill one another, when if they would
only wait, they must surely die naturally. The third was that they
should run after women, when, if they did not do so, the women would
surely run after them.

FOOD

The Arctic explorer at a reception on his return gave an informal talk
concerning his experiences. He explained that a point further north
would have been reached, if the dogs had not given out at a critical
time.

A lady, who had followed the explorer's remarks carefully, ventured a
comment as the speaker paused:

"But I thought those Esquimaux dogs were actually tireless."

The explorer hesitated, and cleared his throat before answering.

"I spoke," he elucidated, "in a--er--culinary sense."

* * *

The young mother asked the man who supplied her with milk if he kept any
calves, and smiled pleasedly when he said that he did.

"Then," she continued brightly, "bring me a pint of calf's milk every
day. I think cow's milk is too strong for baby."

FOREHANDEDNESS

The highly efficient housewife bragged that she always rose early, and
had every bed in the house made befo