irl and her young man caller. The fellow insisted that it
was always possible for a man to kiss a girl at will, whether she chose
to permit it or not. The maiden was firm in maintaining that such was
not the case. Finally, it was decided that the only solution of the
question must be by a practical demonstration one way or the other. So,
they tried it. They clinched, and the battle was on. After a lively
tussle, they broke away. The girl had been kissed--ardently for a period
of minutes. Her comment showed an undaunted spirit:

"Oh, well, you really didn't win fair. My foot slipped.... Let's try it
again."

* * *

The tiny boy fell down and bumped his head. His Uncle Bill picked the
child up, with the remark:

"Now I'll kiss it, and the pain will all be gone."

The youngster recovered his smiles under the treatment, and then, as he
was set down, addressed his uncle eagerly:

"Come down in the kitchen--the cook has the toothache."

* * *

Some Scottish deacons were famous, if not notorious, for the readiness
with which they could expound any passage of Scripture. It is recorded
of a certain elder that as he read and commented on the thirty-fourth
Psalm, he misread the sentence, "Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips
from speaking guile." He carelessly read the last two words: "squeaking
girls." But the astonishing phrase did not dismay him in the least, or
cause him to hesitate in his exegesis. He expounded instantly and
solemnly:

"It is evident from this passage, my brethren, that the Scripture does
not absolutely forbid kissing, but, as in Christianity everything is to
be done decently and in order, we are here encouraged by this passage to
choose rather those girls that take it quietly, in preference to those
that squeak under the operation."

LAUGHTER

Josh Billings said:

"Laff every time yu pheel tickled--and laff once in a while enny how."

LAW

The lawyer explained to the client his scale of prices:

"I charge five dollars for advising you as to just what the law permits
you to do. For giving you advice as to the way you can safely do what
the law forbids, my minimum fee is one hundred dollars."

LAWYERS

There was a town jail, and there was a county jail. The fact was worth
forty dollars to the lawyer who was approached by an old darky in behalf
of a son languishing in duress. The lawyer surveyed the ta