puzzled exasperation, "what can you do?"

"I milk reindeer."

* * *

The undertaker regarded the deceased in the coffin with severe
disapproval, for the wig persisted in slipping back and revealing a
perfectly bald pate. He addressed the widow in that cheerfully
melancholy tone which is characteristic of undertakers during their
professional public performance.

"Have you any glue?"

The widow wiped her eyes perfunctorily, and said that she had.

"Shall I heat it?" she asked. The undertaker nodded gloomily, and the
relic departed on her errand. Presently, she returned with the glue-pot.

But the undertaker shook his head, and regarded her with the gently sad
smile to which undertakers are addicted, as he whispered solemnly:

"I found a tack."

* * *

An engineer, who was engaged on railroad construction in Central
America, explained to one of the natives living alongside the right of
way the advantages that would come from realization of the projected
line. To illustrate his point, he put the question:

"How long does it take you to carry your produce to market by muleback?"

"Three days, _senor_," was the answer.

"Then," said the engineer, "you can understand the benefit the road will
be to you. You will be able to take your produce to market, and to
return home on the same day."

"Very good, _senor_," the native agreed courteously.

"But, _senor_, what shall we do with the other two days?"

EGGS

The farmer decided to give special attention to the development of his
poultry yard, and he undertook the work carefully and systematically.
His hired man, who had been with him for a number of years, was
instructed, among other things, to write on each egg the date laid and
the breed of the hen. After a month, the hired man resigned.

"I can't understand," the farmer declared, surprised and pained, "why
you should want to leave."

"I'm through," the hired man asserted. "I've done the nastiest jobs, an'
never kicked. But I draw the line on bein' secretary to a bunch o'
hens."

EGOTISM

The pessimist spoke mournfully to his friend:

"It is only to me that such misfortunes happen."

"What's the matter now?"

The pessimist answered dolefully:

"Don't you see that it is raining?"

ELEPHANT

A circus man was scouring the countryside in search of an elephant that
had escaped from the menagerie and wandered off