A passer-by admired the animal, and inquired as
to the breed. The maid said:

"I doan jes' zactly know mahself, but I dun hear my missis say he am a
full-blood Sam Bernard."

DOMESTIC QUARRELS

After a trip abroad, a lady inquired of her colored washerwoman:

"Lucy, do you and your husband quarrel now the same as you used to?"

"No, indeed, ma'am," was the reply.

"That is good. I'm sure you're very glad of it, aren't you?"

"Ah sho'ly is."

"What caused you to stop quarreling, Lucy?" the lady asked.

The explanation was simple and sufficient:

"He died."

* * *

The newly married pair quarreled seriously, so that the wife in a
passion finally declared:

"I'm going home to my mother!"

The husband maintained his calm in the face of this calamity, and drew
out his pocketbook.

"Here," he said, counting out some bills, "is the money for your
railroad fare."

The wife took it, and counted it in her turn. Then she faced her husband
scornfully:

"But that isn't enough for a return ticket."

* * *

The good wife, after she and her husband had retired for the night,
discoursed for a long time with much eloquence. When she was interrupted
by a snore from her spouse, she thumped the sleeper into wakefulness,
and then remarked:

"John, do you know what I think of a man who will go to sleep while his
own wife is a-talkin' to him?"

"Well, now, I believe as how I do, Martha," was the drowsily uttered
response. "But don't let that stop you. Go right ahead, an' git it off
your mind."

DOUBT

Small Jimmie discussed with his chief crony the minister's sermon which
had dealt with the sheep and the goats.

"Me," he concluded, "I don't know which I am. Mother calls me her lamb,
and father calls me kid."

* * *

Ability to look on two sides of a question is usually a virtue, but it
may degenerate into a vice. Thus, a visitor found his bachelor friend
glumly studying an evening waistcoat. When inquiry was made, this
explanation was forthcoming:

"It's quite too soiled to wear, but really, it's not dirty enough to go
to the laundry. I can't make up my mind just what I should do about it."

DRAMA

The new play was a failure. After the first act, many left the theatre;
at the end of the second, most of the others started out. A cynical
critic as he rose from his aisle seat raise