Here, take mine," he directed. "That'll pay for you. I'll get under the
seat."

Which he did.

* * *

The old negro attended a service in the Episcopal Church for the first
time in his life. Someone asked him afterward how he had enjoyed the
experience.

"Not much, shohly not much," he declared, shaking his head. "Dat ain't
no church for me. No' suh! Dey wastes too much time readin' the minutes
ob the previous meetin'."

CLEANLINESS

The little boy was clad in an immaculate white suit for the lawn party,
and his mother cautioned him strictly against soiling it. He was
scrupulous in his obedience, but at last he approached her timidly, and
said:

"Please, mother, may I sit on my pants?"

* * *

The mother catechised her young son just before the hour for the arrival
of the music teacher.

"Have you washed your hands very carefully?"

"Yes, mother."

"And have you washed your face thoroughly?"

"Yes, mother."

"And were you particular to wash behind your ears?"

"On her side I did, mother."

COMMUNITY

The young man at the summer resort, who had become engaged to the pretty
girl, received information that led him to question her:

"Is it true that since you came up here you've got engaged to Billy, Ed,
George and Harry, as well as me?"

The young lady assumed an air of disdain.

"What is that to you?" she demanded.

"Just this," he replied gently. "If it's so, and you have no objection,
we fellows will all chip in together to buy an engagement ring."

COMPENSATION

Isaac and Moses dined in a restaurant that was new to them, and were
pained seriously by the amount of the check. Moses began to expostulate
in a loud voice, but Isaac hushed him with a whisper:

"'Sh! I haf the spoons in my pocket."

COMPLIMENTS

"Would you like a lock of my hair?" asked the gallant old bachelor of
the spinster who had been a belle a few decades past.

"Why don't you offer me the whole wig?" the maiden lady gibed, with a
titter.

The bachelor retorted with icy disdain:

"You are very biting, madam, considering that your teeth are porcelain."

* * *

The young man, dancing with the girl to whom he had just been
introduced, remarked with the best of intentions, but rather
unfortunately:

"That's the new waltz. My sister was raving about it. I think it's
pretty bad. I expect