kind to me?" she gurgled.

"My dear madam, because I myself have a mother and a wife and a
daughter."

* * *

Diplomacy is shown inversely by the remark of the professor to the lady
in this story.

At a reception the woman chatted for some time with the distinguished
man of learning, and displayed such intelligence that one of the
listeners complimented her.

"Oh, really," she said with a smile, "I've just been concealing my
ignorance."

The professor spoke gallantly.

"Not at all, not at all, my dear madam! Quite the contrary, I do assure
you."

DIRT

We are more particular nowadays about cleanliness than were those of a
past generation. Charles Lamb, during a whist game, remarked to his
partner:

"Martin, if dirt were trumps, what a hand you'd have!"

* * *

The French aristocrats were not always conspicuously careful in their
personal habits. A visitor to a Parisian _grande dame_ remarked to her
hostess:

"But how dirty your hands are."

The great lady regarded her hands doubtfully, as she replied:

"Oh, do you think so? Why, you ought to see my feet!"

DISCIPLINE

Jimmy found much to criticise in his small sister. He felt forced to
remonstrate with his mother.

"Don't you want Jenny to be a good wife like you when she grows up?" he
demanded. His mother nodded assent.

"Then you better get busy, ma. You make me give into her all the time
'cause I'm bigger 'en she is. You're smaller 'en pa, but when he comes
in, you bring him his slippers, and hand him the paper." Jimmie yanked
his go-cart from baby Jennie, and disregarded her wail of anger as he
continued:

"Got to dis'pline her, or she'll make an awful wife!"

DISCRETION

The kindly and inquisitive old gentleman was interested in the messenger
boy who sat on the steps of a house, and toyed delicately with a
sandwich taken from its wrapper. With the top piece of bread carefully
removed, the boy picked out and ate a few small pieces of the chicken.
The puzzled observer questioned the lad:

"Now, sonny, why don't you eat your sandwich right down, instead of
fussing with it like that?"

The answer was explicit:

"Dasn't! 'Tain't mine."

DIVORCE

The court was listening to the testimony of the wife who sought a
divorce.

"Tell me explicitly," the judge directed the woman, "what fault you have
to find with your husband."

And the wife was exp