to the officials of the railroad
company, giving full details as to why he had sat up in the smoking-room
all night, instead of sleeping in his berth. He received in reply a
letter from the company, which was so courteous and logical that he was
greatly soothed. His mood changed for the worse, however, when he
happened to glance at his own letter, which had been enclosed through
error. On the margin was jotted in pencil:

"Send this guy the bed-bug letter."

* * *

A worker in the steel mills applied direct to Mr. Carnegie for a holiday
in which to get married. The magnate inquired interestedly concerning
the bride:

"Is she tall or short, slender or plump?"

The prospective bridegroom answered seriously:

"Well, sir, I'm free to say, that if I'd had the rollin' of her, I sure
would have given her three or four more passes."

FRAUD

The hired man on a New England farm went on his first trip to the city.
He returned wearing a scarf pin set with at least four carats bulk of
radiance. The jewelry dazzled the rural belles, and excited the envy of
the other young men. His employer bluntly asked if it was a real
diamond.

"If it ain't," was the answer, "I was skun out o' half a dollar."

FRIENDSHIP

The kindly lady accosted the little boy on the beach, who stood with
downcast head, and grinding his toes into the sand and looking very
miserable and lonely indeed.

"Haven't you anybody to play with?" she inquired sympathetically.

The boy shook his head forlornly, as he explained:

"I have one friend--but I hate him!"

* * *

The clergyman on his vacation wrote a long letter concerning his
traveling experiences to be circulated among the members of the
congregation. The letter opened in this form:

"Dear Friends:

"I will not address you as ladies and gentlemen, because I know you so
well."

FRENCH

An American tourist in France found that he had a two hours' wait for
his train at a junction, and set out to explore the neighborhood. He
discovered at last that he was lost, and could not find his way back to
the station. He therefore addressed a passer-by in the best French he
could recollect from his college days, mispronouncing it with great
emphasis. He voiced his request for information as follows:

"Pardonnez-moi. J'ai quitte ma train et maintenant je ne sais pas ou le
trouver encore. Est-ce que vous pouvez me