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wered briskly, "life-preservers, invalid cushions, funeral wreaths, doughnuts, an' sich." LOGIC The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before the gooseberry bush in the garden. She noted that his expression was both puzzled and distressed. "Why, what's the matter, little lamb?" she asked tenderly. "I'm finkin, muvver," the boy answered. "What about, little man?" "Have gooseberries any legs, muvver?" "Why, no! Of course not, dear." The perplexity passed from the little boy's face, but the expression of trouble deepened, as he spoke again: "Then, muvver, I fink I've swallowed a catapillar." LOQUACITY The two old Scotchmen played a round of seventeen holes without a word exchanged between them. As they came to the eighteenth green, Sandy surveyed the lie, and muttered: "Dormie." Quoth Tammas, with a snarl: "Chatter-r-rbox!" LOVE The philosopher calmly defined the exact difference between life and love: "Life is just one fool thing after another: love is just two fool things after each other." LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT The little girl came in tears to her mother. "God doesn't love me," she sobbed. "Of course, God loves you," the mother declared. "How did you ever come to get such an idea?" "No," the child persisted, "He doesn't love me. I know--I tried Him with a daisy." LUCK The pessimist quoted from his own experience at poker in illustration of the general cussedness of things: "Frequent, I have sot in a poker game, and it sure is queer how things will turn out. I've sot hour after hour in them games, without ever takin' a pot. And then, 'long about four o'clock in the mornin', the luck'd turn--it'd take a turn for the worse." * * * "How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant. "Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!" * * * The new reporter wrote his concluding paragraph concerning the murder as follows: "Fortunately for the deceased, he had deposited all of his money in the bank the day before. He lost practically nothing but his life." * * * The editor of the country paper went home to supper, smiling radiantly. "Have you had some good luck?" his wife questioned. "Luck! I
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