wered briskly, "life-preservers, invalid
cushions, funeral wreaths, doughnuts, an' sich."

LOGIC

The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before
the gooseberry bush in the garden. She noted that his expression was
both puzzled and distressed.

"Why, what's the matter, little lamb?" she asked tenderly.

"I'm finkin, muvver," the boy answered.

"What about, little man?"

"Have gooseberries any legs, muvver?"

"Why, no! Of course not, dear."

The perplexity passed from the little boy's face, but the expression of
trouble deepened, as he spoke again:

"Then, muvver, I fink I've swallowed a catapillar."

LOQUACITY

The two old Scotchmen played a round of seventeen holes without a word
exchanged between them. As they came to the eighteenth green, Sandy
surveyed the lie, and muttered:

"Dormie."

Quoth Tammas, with a snarl:

"Chatter-r-rbox!"

LOVE

The philosopher calmly defined the exact difference between life and
love:

"Life is just one fool thing after another: love is just two fool things
after each other."

LOVE ME, LOVE ME NOT

The little girl came in tears to her mother.

"God doesn't love me," she sobbed.

"Of course, God loves you," the mother declared. "How did you ever come
to get such an idea?"

"No," the child persisted, "He doesn't love me. I know--I tried Him with
a daisy."

LUCK

The pessimist quoted from his own experience at poker in illustration of
the general cussedness of things:

"Frequent, I have sot in a poker game, and it sure is queer how things
will turn out. I've sot hour after hour in them games, without ever
takin' a pot. And then, 'long about four o'clock in the mornin', the
luck'd turn--it'd take a turn for the worse."

* * *

"How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very
expensive restaurant.

"Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that
small piece of potato, and there it was!"

* * *

The new reporter wrote his concluding paragraph concerning the murder as
follows:

"Fortunately for the deceased, he had deposited all of his money in the
bank the day before. He lost practically nothing but his life."

* * *

The editor of the country paper went home to supper, smiling radiantly.

"Have you had some good luck?" his wife questioned.

"Luck! I