he corn patch were mule's eggs, which only needed someone
to sit on them to hatch. Pat was ambitious to own a mule, and, selecting
a large pumpkin, he sat on it industriously every moment he could steal
from his work. Came a day when he grew impatient, and determined to
hasten the hatching. He stamped on the pumpkin. As it broke open, a
startled rabbit broke from its cover in an adjacent corn shock and
scurried across the field. Pat chased it, shouting:

"Hi, thar! Stop! don't yez know your own father?"

* * *

The meek-looking gentleman arose hastily and offered his seat in the car
to the self-assertive woman who had entered and glared at him. She gave
him no thanks as she seated herself, but she spoke in a heavy voice that
filled the whole car:

"What are you standing up there for? Come here, and sit on my lap."

The modest man turned scarlet as he huskily faltered:

"I fear, madam, that I am not worthy of such an honor."

"How dare you!" the woman boomed. "You know perfectly well I was
speaking to my niece behind you."

* * *

The little man was perfectly harmless, but the lady sitting next to him
in the car was a spinster, and suspicious of all males. So, since they
were somewhat crowded on the seat, she pushed the umbrella between her
knee and his and held it firmly as a barrier. A shower came up, and the
woman when she left the car, put up the umbrella. As she did so, she
perceived that the little man had followed her. She had guessed that he
was a masher, now she knew it. She walked quickly down the side street,
and the man pursued through the driving rain. She ran up the steps of
her home, and rang the bell. When she heard the servant coming to the
door, feeling herself safe at last, she faced about and addressed her
pursuer angrily:

"How dare you follow me! How dare you! What do you want, anyhow?"

The drenched little man at the foot of the steps spoke pleadingly:

"If you please, ma'am, I want my umbrella."

* * *

The traveling salesman instructed the porter that he must leave the
train at Cleveland, where he was due at three o'clock in the morning. He
explained that violence might be necessary because he did not wake
easily. He emphasized his instructions with a generous tip.

The drummer awoke at six in the morning, with Cleveland far behind. In
a rage, he sought the port