raffic."

ALIBI

The mother called in vain for her young son. Then she searched the
ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic--all in vain.
Finally, she climbed to the trap door in the roof, pushed it open, and
cried:

"John Henry, are you out there?"

An answer came clearly:

"No, mother. Have you looked in the cellar?"

AMNESTY

The nurse at the front regarded the wounded soldier with a puzzled
frown.

"Your face is perfectly familiar to me," she said, musingly. "But I
can't quite place you somehow."

"Let bygones be bygones, mum," the soldier said weakly. "Yes, mum, I was
a policeman."

ANATOMY

The little boy, sent to the butcher shop, delivered himself of his
message in these words:

"Ma says to send her another ox-tail, please, an' ma says the last one
was very nice, an' ma says she wants another off the same ox!"

APPEARANCE

Little Willie came home in a sad state. He had a black eye and numerous
scratches and contusions, and his clothes were a sight. His mother was
horrified at the spectacle presented by her darling. There were tears in
her eyes as she addressed him rebukingly:

"Oh, Willie, Willie! How often have I told you not to play with that
naughty Peck boy!"

Little Willie regarded his mother with an expression of deepest disgust.

"Say, ma," he objected, "do I look as if I had been playing with
anybody?"

APPEARANCE

The cross-eyed man at the ball bowed with courtly grace, and said:

"May I have the pleasure of this dance?"

Two wallflowers answered as with one voice:

"With pleasure."

APPETITE

The young man applied to the manager of the entertainment museum for
employment as a freak, and the following dialogue occurred:

"Who are you?"

"I am Enoch, the egg king."

"What is your specialty?"

"I eat three dozen hen's eggs, two dozen duck eggs, and one dozen goose
eggs, at a single setting."

"Do you know our program?"

"What is it?"

"We give four shows every day."

"Oh, yes, I understand that."

"And do you think you can do it?"

"I know I can."

"On Saturdays we give six shows."

"All right."

"On holidays we usually give a performance every hour."

And now, at last, the young man showed signs of doubt.

"In that case, I must have one thing understood before I'd be willing to
sign a contract."

"What?"

"No matter what the rush of business is in the show, you've got to give
me time to go to the hotel to eat my re