absent-minded of clergymen was a Methodist minister who served
several churches each Sunday, riding from one to another on horseback.
One Sunday morning he went to the stable while still meditating on his
sermon and attempted to saddle the horse. After a long period of toil,
he aroused to the fact that he had put the saddle on himself, and had
spent a full half hour in vain efforts to climb on his own back.

ACQUAINTANCE

The Scotchman who ran a livery was asked by a tourist as to how many the
carryall would hold.

"Fower generally," was the answer. "Likely sax, if they're weel
aquaint."

ACTORS

The tragedian had just signed a contract to tour South Africa. He told a
friend of it at the club. The friend shook his head dismally.

"The ostrich," he explained in a pitying tone, "lays an egg weighing
anywhere from two to four pounds."

ADVERTISING

The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one
of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself
never read ads., and didn't believe anyone else did.

"Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?" the
editor asked.

"If you can show me!" was the sarcastic answer. "But you can't."

In the next issue of the paper, the editor ran a line of small type in
an obscure corner. It read:

"What is Jenkins going to do about it?"

The business man, Jenkins, hastened to seek out the editor next day. He
admitted that he was being pestered out of his wits by the curious. He
agreed to stand by the editor's explanation in the forthcoming issue,
and this was:

"Jenkins is going to advertise, of course."

Having once advertised, Jenkins advertises still.

AFFECTION

There are as many aspects of grief as there are persons to mourn. A
quality of pathetic and rather grisly humor is to be found in the
incident of an English laborer, whose little son died. The vicar on
calling to condole with the parents found the father pacing to and fro
in the living-room with the tiny body in his arms. As the clergyman
spoke phrases of sympathy, the father, with tears streaming down his
cheeks, interrupted loudly:

"Oh, sir, you don't know how I loved that li'll faller. Yus, sir, if it
worn't agin the law, I'd keep him, an' have him stuffed, that I would!"

AGE

The woman confessed to her crony:

"I'm growing old, and I know it. Nowadays, the policeman never takes me
by the arm when he escorts me through the t