ts of your Majesty's Ministers,
attesting the value of the invention. I will part with my right in it
for a million tumtums."

After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him an
order on the Lord High Treasurer of the Extortion Department for a
million tumtums.

"And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from
another pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have invented,
which will pierce that armour. Your Majesty's Royal Brother, the Emperor
of Bang, is anxious to purchase it, but loyalty to your Majesty's throne
and person constrains me to offer it first to your Majesty. The price is
one million tumtums."

Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand into
still another pocket, remarking:

"The price of the irresistible gun would have been much greater, your
Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so effectively averted
by my peculiar method of treating the armour plates with a new--"

The King signed to the Great Head Factotum to approach.

"Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."

"Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the
scrutiny.

"May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in terror,
"one of them contains tobacco."

"Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then give him
a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to death. Let a decree
issue declaring ingenuity a capital offence."

Two Kings

The King of Madagao, being engaged in a dispute with the King of
Bornegascar, wrote him as follows:

"Before proceeding further in this matter I demand the recall of your
Minister from my capital."

Greatly enraged by this impossible demand, the King of Bornegascar
replied:

"I shall not recall my Minister. Moreover, if you do not immediately
retract your demand I shall withdraw him!"

This threat so terrified the King of Madagao that in hastening to comply
he fell over his own feet, breaking the Third Commandment.

An Officer and a Thug

A Chief of Police who had seen an Officer beating a Thug was very
indignant, and said he must not do so any more on pain of dismissal.

"Don't be too hard on me," said the Officer, smiling; "I was beating him
with a stuffed club."

"Nevertheless," persisted the Chief of Police, "it was a liberty that
must have been very disagreeable, though it may not have hurt. Please do
not repeat