ly; "but what
claim have you to the hand of my daughter?"

"One that cannot be lightly denied," said the Tatterdemalion. "I am
about to become worth one hundred thousand dollars."

Unable to detect a weak point in this scheme of mutual advantage, the
financier gave the promoter in disguise an order for the money, and wrote
a note to his wife directing her to count out the girl.

The Statesman and the Horse

A Statesman who had saved his country was returning from Washington on
foot, when he met a Race Horse going at full speed, and stopped it.

"Turn about and travel the other way," said the Statesman, "and I will
keep you company as far as my home. The advantages of travelling
together are obvious."

"I cannot do that," said the Race Horse; "I am following my master to
Washington. I did not go fast enough to suit him, and he has gone on
ahead."

"Who is your master?" inquired the Statesman.

"He is the Statesman who saved his country," answered the Race Horse.

"There appears to be some mistake," the other said. "Why did he wish to
travel so fast?"

"So as to be there in time to get the country that he saved."

"I guess he got it," said the other, and limped along, sighing.

An AErophobe

A Celebrated Divine having affirmed the fallibility of the Bible, was
asked why, then, he preached the religion founded upon it.

"If it is fallible," he replied, "there is the greater reason that I
explain it, lest it mislead."

"Then am I to infer," said his Questioner, "that _you_ are not fallible?"

"You are to infer that I am not pneumophagous."

The Thrift of Strength

A Weak Man going down-hill met a Strong Man going up, and said:

"I take this direction because it requires less exertion, not from
choice. I pray you, sir, assist me to regain the summit."

"Gladly," said the Strong Man, his face illuminated with the glory of his
thought. "I have always considered my strength a sacred gift in trust
for my fellow-men. I will take you along with me. Just get behind me
and push."

The Good Government

"What a happy land you are!" said a Republican Form of Government to a
Sovereign State. "Be good enough to lie still while I walk upon you,
singing the praises of universal suffrage and descanting upon the
blessings of civil and religious liberty. In the meantime you can
relieve your feelings by cursing the one-man power and the effete
monarchies of Europe."

"My p