eech. "In the order of nature it is appointed that we two
shall never travel the same road."

"How then," the Slander asked, triumphantly, "have you overtaken me?"

"I have not," replied the Retraction; "we have accidentally met. I came
round the world the other way."

But when he tried to execute his fell purpose he found that in the order
of nature it was appointed that he himself perish miserably in the
encounter.

An Inflated Ambition

The President of a great Corporation went into a dry-goods shop and saw a
placard which read:

"If You Don't See What You Want, Ask For It."

Approaching the shopkeeper, who had been narrowly observing him as he
read the placard, he was about to speak, when the shopkeeper called to a
salesman:

"John, show this gentleman the world."

Rejected Services

A Heavy Operator overtaken by a Reverse of Fortune was bewailing his
sudden fall from affluence to indigence.

"Do not weep," said the Reverse of Fortune. "You need not suffer alone.
Name any one of the men who have opposed your schemes, and I will
overtake _him_."

"It is hardly worth while," said the victim, earnestly. "Not a soul of
them has a cent!"

The Power of the Scalawag

A Forestry Commissioner had just felled a giant tree when, seeing an
honest man approaching, he dropped his axe and fled. The next day when
he cautiously returned to get his axe, he found the following lines
pencilled on the stump:

"What nature reared by centuries of toil,
A scalawag in half a day can spoil;
An equal fate for him may Heaven provide--
Damned in the moment of his tallest pride."

At Large--One Temper

A Turbulent Person was brought before a Judge to be tried for an assault
with intent to commit murder, and it was proved that he had been
variously obstreperous without apparent provocation, had affected the
peripheries of several luckless fellow-citizens with the trunk of a small
tree, and subsequently cleaned out the town. While trying to palliate
these misdeeds, the defendant's Attorney turned suddenly to the Judge,
saying:

"Did your Honour ever lose your temper?"

"I fine you twenty-five dollars for contempt of court!" roared the Judge,
in wrath. "How dare you mention the loss of my temper in connection with
this case?"

After a moment's silence the Attorney said, meekly:

"I thought my client might perhaps have found it."

The Seeker and the Sought